Top Ten List

Everyone seems to have their top ten list.  This probably became popular with David Letterman's top ten list.  So I decided to create mine.  This is a list of things that if I were to give a commencement address I would want to share.  This list was made about two years ago and every year I tend to review it to see if I would change it in any way.  While the list may not sound original, I thought long and hard about the ten things I would most want to share with others.  I also created a list of 20 things that I share with graduating seniors.  That list may be in the future.  My advice in a list of ten:

1.  Questions are more important than answers.

2.  Attitude influences everything.

3.  Luck comes with hard work.

4.  Do the "right" thing.

5.  Do something for nothing.

6.  Add value.

7.  Be an interested person.

8.  Life is a series of choices.

9.  Celebrate the small wins.

10. Learn to be grateful.

I am interested in your reactions.  What would be on your top ten list? 

And then some

Recently, I had the opportunity to hear a presentation by Barry Griswell, the President, Chairman, and CEO of the Principal Financial Group.  The title of his talk was The Adversity Paradox--An Unconventional Path to Building Character and Leadership Skills.  He started with his life story which is moving in and of itself.  Then Griswell shared his sagely advice.  While his points were easy to remember, they were thought provoking and worth remembering:

1.  Who you are matters most. 

2.  There is no substitute for hard work.  When you think you have done enough, do more and then some

3.  Purpose and passion take the work out of work.

4.  Never underestimate the power of life-long learning. 

5.  The mirror is the most important tool there is.  Understand yourself by always seeking feedback.

6.  Lead with a servant's heart.

It was a moving speech that could have been a commencement address for students of any age.  It was the "and then some" that everyone was talking about afterwards.  This can be used in many ways:

Give generously--and then some

Live life to the fullest--and then some

Help your friends and neighbors--and then some

Take time for what is important--and then some

You get the idea.  Try it out--and then some.

Practicing Listening Skills

I have been intentional about helping students learn to listen by practicing their listening skills. The students get into groups with specific instructions that only one person is to talk at a time. In fact, to make this point, I hand each group a pencil that I refer to as the talking stick.  The students without the stick are to only listen, not react or respond until they get the "stick." The idea is not to critique or question, but to give people the sacred space and time for others to hear what they have to say. There is no time limit and it is not a race. People are instructed to take as much time as they need and to pause before they even start talking in order to organize their thoughts.

What I have realized is that this practice helps people to hear from their inner being. Through the calming influence, people can listen to their inner wisdom and find the answers from within themselves. This has become a powerful practice.  Feedback on this practice has been extremely positive.  They notice the difference in the culture of the class.  It sets an intentional tone of respect for whatever the person talking has to say.  Try it and let me know what you think.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

People can collect some weird things and I like to collect speeches.  It does not matter what kind of speech as long as I find a message I want to remember.  I save sermons, commencement addresses, and keynote speeches.  A few years ago Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer, delivered a commencement address at Stanford that I continue to share with students.

Jobs describes his unusal background of dropping out of Reed College because he could not see the value of it since he did not know what he wanted to do.  In this speech, there are several lines worth remembering.  He says, "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.  You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, karma, whatever.  This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

Jobs tells another story about death because in 2004 he was diagnosed with cancer.  But the tumor in his pancreas was a rare form of cancer that is curable with surgery.  He had the surgery and is fine.  He summarizes the experience by saying, "Death is the destination we all share.  No one has ever escared it ...Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.  It is Life's change agent."

Jobs concludes by teling the graduates that their time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.  "Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."

This is great advice for all of us at any age.  Life is a journey.  Continue to explore.  Look at the view.  Become a sage.  Enjoy the mystery. And said best by Steve Jobs, "Stay hungry.  Stay foolish."

Look at the View

A few years ago, Anna Quindlen wrote a book called A Short Guide to a Happy Life that was inspired by a commencement speech she gave to a high school.  In this book she tells a story about meeting a homeless man on a bridge overlooking the ocean.  She sat down beside him and struck up a conversation.  He told her how he wondered from place to place in order to survive.  He described how he used abandoned newspapers to cover his head when it was raining.  Sensing she was uptight, he told her to "look at the view." 

Quindlen says she often thinks of the powerful message and lesson she learned from this man with no place to go, nothing to do, and with no one.  She said she tries to remember to look at the view.  I was reminded of this story a few years ago.  We took our sons to Hawaii for the first time and there was a man on the beach making creative items out of palm branches.  Since I was intrigued with his work, so I decided to buy one of his bowls.  He wanted me to pay him in advance (which was less than $10) because I could not wait for him to make it.  When he asked me what was my hurry, I replied that I had an appointment for this and a time to meet my family and ...

He asked me how come I was so busy if I was supposed to be on vacation?  Then he said to me, "I have the ocean as my front yard.  Look at that view."  It was only then that I realized this man was homeless, but he was articulate and creative.  I was amazed at how relaxed he was.  He was teaching me something that I have remembered ever sense:  Look at the view.  It sounds so easy, but it is so hard to do.   

Do the Right Thing

A famous quote of Peter Drucker's, management guru, is this:  "Managers do things right and leaders do the right things."  I always advocate to my students and sons to "do the right thing," but what exactly does.this mean?  I came across a great story that illustrates doing the right thing.

Rick Reilly, one of my favorite writers who wrote for Sports Illustrated for years, would have loved this story.  As a former college softball player myself, this story resonated with me.  At a college softball game in Washington State, Sara Tucholsky, a senior on the Western Oregon University team, was up to bat with two runners on base.  She had never hit a home run in her college career, but smacked the ball over the center field fence.

Tucholsky rounded first base and destroyed her knee and collapsed. The two runners on base scored while Tucholsky couldn't even take a step or crawl and she just laid on the ground.  The coach of Western Oregon could have sent in a pinch runner, but the umpires said Tucholsky would have been awarded only a single and the rules prohibited her teammates from helping her.

At that point, two Central Washington University players (players from the opposing team) picked up Tucholsky and carried her around the bases and her run counted resulting in a win for Western Oregon.  One of the players who carried her explained why they did it even though this action cost them the game.

"It was the right thing to do," she said.  It was the right thing to do.  While they lost the game, think about what everyone won who watched the game, played the game, and even heard about the game.