Sage-ing is Common Sense

If you read my blog, you know that my topic of interest is currently "sage-ing."  When asked what this means, I usually say that it is the secret to living a quality life.  Sage-ing involves mindful, intentional, and conscious decision making.

As I was explaining this to a friend, she said:  "But this is all common sense."  While this may be true, common sense is not that common anymore.  There are so many distractions that it is hard to think clearly and make the best decisions with our lives.  We get off track and caught up in things in which we lose our true focus.

It sounds so simple, yet it is difficult to practice. 

Remembering the Life of Tim Russert

Michael Gartner, President of NBC News from 1988-1993, is our neighbor.  He wrote a beautiful tribute to Tim since he was the person who really put Tim in front of the television camera.  Gartner shares a story that Tim included in his book Big Russ and Me.  It is a story that is worth remembering in tough times.  Christopher, one of Gartner's sons, idolized Tim and he died in 1993 at the age of 17 from an initial attack of juvenile diabetes. 

"Within hours of Christopher's death, the phone rang and it was Russert.  I was in tears, and he seemed to be, too.  He expressed his deep sorrow, and then he said:  'Look, if God had come to you 17 years ago and said, 'I'll make you a bargain.  I'll give you a beautiful, wonderful, happy and healthy kid for 17 years, and then I'll take him away, you would have made that deal in a second.'"

"He was right, of course, that was the deal.  I just didn't know it.  As it turns out, there was a similar deal --the terms were 58 years--with Tim.  We just didn't know it."

We just didn't know it. 

Small Wins

There is a concept called "small wins" that is being used in management to communicate several things.  In order to explain this concept, I have people describe BIG WINS.  "When in your life have you experienced a "big win," something that you considered really important?"  Typical comments include:  graduation, marriage, landing the job or a promotion, birth of children, winning the lottery, championships of some kind ...

Then I ask people how often big wins really happen in our lives.  The response is "not very often."  So if we are living for the big wins, we have the wrong focus.  We should be seeking out the small wins and celebrating them. When we do this, we turn hopelessness into hope.  Momentum builds and this helps with our motivation.  We can relieve stress if we celebrate the small wins.  This concept can change your whole perspective if you are on the lookout for the small things in life to celebrate. 

Tim Russert was a Sage

I am "into" sage-ing rather than aging.  People often ask me what this means and the best explanation I can give is that it is learning to live your best life.  The secret is to embrace aging by behaviors such as:

• continuing to learn
• embracing mortality
• giving back generously
• mentoring others
• leaving a legacy
• staying interested
• remaining connected
• having a sense of roots and community
• loving life

While I could go on and these characteristics seem commonsensical, they are not.  If the list above was easy and common, we would not feel the loss of Tim Russert as much.  The best statement was made by Betsy Fischer, Executive Producer of Meet the Press, said it best:  "Tim would say that the best exercise for the human heart is to bend down and pick someone up.  He would hold us up."  That is what mentoring in the truest sense.

Tim is a good example of a sage who demonstrated these characteristics and that is why we feel so sad.  It appears he lived life to the fullest and that would be my wish.  I think the sadness comes from what we will be missing because these behaviors are not the norm. 

• Why aren't they the norm? 
• What if we made them the norm? 
• How can we make them the norm? 

We will miss Tim, but if we remember his legacy then he continues to live on in others. 

Neoteny and Tim Russert

In the book Geeks and Geezers by Warren Bennis and Robert Thomas, they use the word neoteny to describe a characteristic in leaders of all ages that is critical.  Neoteny is a zoological term that is "the retention of youthful qualities by adults."  These wonderful qualities are often associated with youth, but should be cherished also by adults: 

• sense of curiosity
• playfulness
• eagerness
• fearlessness
• warmth
• energy

They say that neoteny is having "an uncontaminated wonder."  In my mind based on what I have been reading and hearing about Tim Russert, I would say that he is the perfect example of neoteny.  It must have been so fun working with someone with these qualities.  His team have used words such as privilege and honor to describe what it was like working with and for Tim.  How lucky for them to have this experience.  Tim's legacy can continue to lead them in their work.

International Center for Spirit at Work

Check out www.spiritatwork.org.  This is the website for the International Center for Spirit at Work and I strongly encourage you to consider becoming a member.  The mission of the organization is a wonderful cause and the services offered keep you growing in this field.  There are three people who interview authors, leaders, and practitioners on monthly basis.  These teleconferences are FREE except for the cost of a long distance phone call. 

There is an annual conference where organizations are honored for creating a culture for spirit at work; where the human spirit can flourish rather than diminished.  The people associated with the organization are authentic human beings and therefore the organization attracts similar members.  It is a great network.  Check it out! 

Remember the Life and Legacy of Tim Russert

Since hearing about the death of Tim Russert, I have been glued to the television watching and listening to everything being said.  I have been noting the words and phrases used to describe him:

• honest and of the highest integrity
• tough, but fair
• boyish charm
• smart
• generous with his time and sharing his expertise
• larger than life
• always prepared
• the greatest of the great
• at the top of his game
• joy in his work and his relationships
• authentic--the most authentic according to Tom Brokow
• never lost his roots
• can take the boy out of Buffalo, but not Buffalo out of the boy
• transparent
• connected with the audience
• knew who he was and never forgot it
• competitor
• highest ethics
• listened to everyone
• loyal friend
• great father and son
• great guy
• and the list goes on ...and on ...

People described how they had lost their leader, mentor, supporter, friend, colleague, teacher ..., but I did not hear anyone use the word boss.  It was clear that the people who worked with him and for him truly loved him.  Andrea Mitchell said that she could not imagine "life, journalism, or politics in America" without him.  She said she will always ask "what would Tim do."  Several commentators talked about men calling in and crying because they were going to miss him so much.  Numerous people said that Tim was "irreplaceable."

There are some people who come into our lives who really can't be replaced.  The world seems a little less friendly, less intelligent, less fun, less interesting ...Tim Russert was a sage.  What I would like to know is this:  How do you talk, ask questions, and smile at the same time?   

How do I explain this?

I don't watch television.  Honestly, I rarely have it on unless I am watching while on the treadmill.  But since Friday night, June 13th I have been watching it constantly.  Hearing the news about Tim Russert stopped me in my tracks.  We watched Meet the Press regularly and just like everyone else, we came to feel as if we knew him and loved him.  I was in tears listening to everyone talk about Tim for the whole weekend, especially on Father's Day weekend.

My husband made the comment that people such as Tim Russert just do not come along that often.  I think the reason I was so moved by this loss is that Tim is as close to a living sage as they come.  The words and phrases being used to describe Tim are the same words used to describe what becoming a sage is all about.  I will be writing more about this.  As one commentator said, "It is easy to say these nice things about a person after they are gone.  The difference here is that the words about Tim are all true." 

What would it mean to be more like Tim Russert?  Why can't we all learn to have more of his qualities?  We can learn this.  We can become more of a sage.  After I think more about this, I will be writing more about why I believe people are so moved.

Observation in an Airport

Recently, I was in the Boston Logan International Airport and I saw something that I had not seen before:  several white rocking chairs lined up and looking out the windows.  At first they seemed out of place because all of the other furniture is black and silver and very modern.  Every chair was taken and there was almost a waiting line for the chairs.

It made me think about what is the message.  Why were these chair here and why were they so popular?  It it to make us slow down and take time to "smell the roses?"  It is that rocking chairs are more relaxing?  Do they remind us of times when people would gather on their porches and just talk with one another while swinging in a porch swing?

My grandmother had a porch swing that was long enough to fit four kids.  We would swing for hours, laughing, talking, and seeing how high we could go.  It struck me as so interesting to see these chairs.

So I struck up a conversation with the man rocking next to me.  Within fifteen minutes, I knew his whole life story and felt a connection.  I even felt sad as I had to leave before he did.  While I realize it is safe confiding in someone you don't know and will probably never see again, I also thought about how important it is to have a person listen to your story.

Stop Doing List

Most of make "to-do" lists, but how many of us make "stop-doing" lists?  Jim Collins, author of From Good to Great, talks about the value of making a list of the things we need to stop doing.  Since time is finite, we have to find ways to allocate our time differently if we are to find more time for doing.  What are those things that you need to stop doing?  If we can write these things down, we might be further ahead on our "to-do" lists.

But Collins also suggests making a "to-learn" list.  Since learning is one of the main reasons for living, Collins advocates always having a list of things you want to learn.  This is also one of the key elements of sage-ing or aging gracefully.  People who continue to learn, continue to live life with a purpose and are more interested people.

Start making a "stop-doing" list and a "to-learn" list.  See if this helps to shift how you spend your time and to reframe how you think about time.  It works for me.