Understanding Grief--Important for Leading and Sage-ing

Recently I had the chance to interview Deborah Coryell, author of Good Grief.  This has been the best book I have read on understanding the process of grief.  In the current economic situation, grief and loss are abundant.  As increasingly more people lose their jobs, these losses manifest in all kinds of losses.  People are losing status, homes, family relationships, sense of identity just to name a few.

Coryell told me that loss is all about change regardless if the changes are positive or negative.  With change comes loss and we need to better understand how to live through it rather than get over it.  She talked about the need for leaders to develop skills around grief and loss in order to help the people who work with them, but that the process starts with the self.

• Examine the leader's belief system around loss and grief. 
• Explore fears, images, experiences around loss and grief.
• Realize the boundaries and comfort zone around change.
• Develop healing language rather than wounding language to communicate
• Establish rituals and ceremonies to recognize life is sacred.

Coryell emphasized that in our culture the myth is about closure or putting the loss behind us.  Instead, she said we need to think about integrating the loss and learning to live with it until it becomes good grief. 

I was struck by Coryell's statement that "every act of destruction is followed by an act of creation and every act of creation is followed by an act of destruction."  This is the balance and dance between yin and yang or life and death.

The first step is in helping leaders realize that grief work is important work for a leader.  We can help ourselves and others be whole people who can bring their mind, body, and spirit to work if we better understand that loss, grief, and suffering accompany change--any kind of change.  And change is all around us.

Comments

[Ed Brenegar]

There is an additional aspect to the experience of grief and loss. What it can teach us is to appreciate what we have, out of which comes gratitude. A friend recently told me of going to South Africa, and in the poorest towns, she found people who were happy and grateful for what they did have. These are important lessons for us to learn.
Helpful post. Thanks.

[Jann Freed]

Thanks Ed for reading and for your thoughtful response. Good post. Jann

[susan mazza]

There does seem to be an expectstion that we keep our grief to ourselves and that we just get over it. It is hard to know what appropriate expression is. The show must go on is the ruling sentiment. But I do think we can learn to include our grief rather than pretend it isn't there.

[Jann Freed]

Susan--Good comments. The more grief work I do, the more I am convinced this is much of what leaders need to understand for the empathy and compassion that is needed today. J