The Search for Life Meaning

Julie and Julia ... Cooking and Sage-ing

Last night we went to see the movie Julie and Julia and I loved it.  While I knew it would be about cooking, I did not know it was about sage-ing.  Most people would not pick up on this because I have my "sage-ing lens" on when I watch movies and read books and articles.  Although there was a scene in the movie where Julie is explaining how her relationship with Julia (in her mind) has helped her to find a passion which makes her life more interesting.

Image by jrambowvia Flickr

For Julie, Julia was a sage--a wise person who through her books and life experiences was giving guidance to Julie's life.  Without even meeting her, Julia was a mentor, friend, and coach who was teaching Julie about cooking and much more.  She was teaching her about being a positive spirit, about being persistent, about following your dreams.

In the end, both women found success by continuing to do what inspired them.  And Julie was ultimately grateful for all that Julia had indirectly done for her. 

It is a charming movie--creative.  A story within a story.  Some would call it a comedy.  But I found myself getting choked up at the end.  After thinking about why that might be, I concluded that it was because I found the movie inspirational and full of hope.  It illustrated why it is important to value the life experiences of those who come before us.  It reminded me of why it is important to learn from those with wisdom and to teach those who follow us. 

Julia had about 50 years of life experience before she wrote her first cookbook.  It is never too late for second careers or to reinvent ourselves. 

I was also inspired to keep blogging because you just never know--even if no one is reading!

And to remember to be grateful. 

If you have seen the movie, what did you think?

Bon appetit!

Beyond Retirement ... Now What?

In September, I am teaching another adult education class entitled:  Beyond Retirement ... Now What?  It has been my passion for the last few years to learn about "the next phase" so that I can help others think about this topic. 

Regardless of what you call the future for baby boomers (positive aging, consciously aging, third act, third chapter, second half of life, sage-ing), there are going to lots of us wondering what to do with our lives, our time, our knowledge, our energy.  Some of us will be encouraged to retire early by incentive packages (often based around health care benefits) and others of us will be involuntarily unemployed.

Aging is always on my mind.  I read about it, write about it, and think about it constantly--always searching for new ideas and seeking wisdom.

Ironically, I ran into an old acquaintance who told me she retired from teaching last year.  She has 58 years of life experience and had been a high school teacher for her career.  But she said the retirement package was too good to pass up because of the health insurance coverage for three years that was included in the deal. 

When I asked her what she was going to do, she rambled off her plan which reflected that she had done her homework.  She said, "This is the time to start checking things off my bucket list."  She has many things we wants to do, but she was clear that she only wanted to work part-time.  She mentioned things such as:

Image via Wikipedia

• Working at the Iowa State Fair.  She had always wanted to work at the fair.  She went on-line and ended up managing one of the food booths in one of the major buildings. 
• Working part-time at a funeral home.  This funeral director had been so wonderful when her parents died that she wants to be a greeter, deliver flowers, and just help as needed--but only on a part-time basis.  The director told her she could work how much and whenever she wanted.
• Working at a sporting goods store.  She is athletic and thinks this would be fun for a short while.

I am sure her list goes on, but I was struck by the creativity and thoughtfulness of her response.  Basically, she has figured out how to spend some of her time and energy doing things that give her purpose and meaning.  While all of these activities are paid, she is not dependent on the money earned.  She has a reason to get up in the morning. 

What would be on your bucket list?

What would be some reasons for you to get up in the morning if your job just went away (assuming you are financially stable and you did not have to make money)?

This conversation made me realize that I need to be more open to possibilities.  It might be exciting just to see what might come my way.

What do you think?  Send me your ideas so I can integrate them into my class in late September.  Or better yet, sign up for the class.

What would you do?

My definition of leader is being the best person you can be.  If this is the case, it seems logical that others would follow and you would know when to follow and not always lead.  Compassion is also critical for leaders and now is as good as time as any to take compassion to a higher level.  We need others to be compassionate with us and we need to show compassion to others. 

I was reminded of all of this when I was introduced to the YouTube clip: 

Linda Hamilton:  What would you do?  Pictures are powerful and this story is one you will remember if you are not already familiar with the story.

Why was Linda the one to stop and help?

What are all of the little things that Linda does to demonstrate compassion?

Linda Hamilton:  What would you do?  This is easy to remember to remind ourselves to "walk the talk." 

If we are what we eat ...

Last year, Kurt Friese, chef and owner of the Iowa City restaurant, Devotay, was one of the Mark and Kay De Cook Distinguished Speakers at Central College.  Friese serves on the Slow Food USA National Board of Directors and is editor-in-chief and co-owner of the seasonal local food magazine Edible Iowa River Valley. According to www.slowfoodusa.org, “Slow Food is an idea, a way of living and a way of eating. It is a global, grassroots movement with thousands of members around the world that links the pleasure of food with a commitment to community and the environment.”

 

As part of Friese’s time on campus, he spoke in one of my courses sharing his insights on leadership from the Slow Food Movement.  He asked us to think about the best moments in our lives and the response was that these moments almost always involve food—family dinners, holidays, reunions, parties.  He reminded us to relax, slow down, and enjoy the food we’re eating.  If we are what we eat, then as a society we are fast, cheap, and easy! 

 

The Slow Food Movement is based on fresh and organically grown ingredients. Yet, with fast food, we are losing our sense of identity and community.  In his book, Community: The Structure of Belonging,

Cover of Community: The Structure of Belonging

Peter Block agrees that we have created fragmented communities where people feel isolated and alone.  Our culture is more interested in individuality and independence than interdependence.  Ironically, we talk about how connected we are with instant sharing of information and workplaces that can operate around the globe.  But many people feel alone, detached, and disconnected.  Block says that we used to know our neighbors and now a good neighbor is someone who does not bother us. 

What is wrong with this picture and what does this say for how we relate with one another at work or at home?

While Friese focused on how we eat, the current movie, FOOD, Inc., makes us think about what we eat.  The movie describes how the industrial food production has replaced much of local farming in America.  One of the co-producers is the author of Fast Food Nation and he emphasizes that buying fast food is cheaper than buying fresh food.  When a bag of chips costs less than a bag of carrots, something is wrong with the system.  There is a human cost in what and how we eat.  Seeing FOOD, Inc. starts a conversation that might change the way you shop and eat.

 

If we stop to think about these issues, we can consciously make better choices.  Based on the laws of supply and demand, if more of us demand organically grown food, supply should go up and the prices should go down.  We can choose to support local farmers and eat foods that are in season and grown without the use of chemicals.  We can slow down, savor our food, engage in good conversation, and mindful eating in which we remember what we ate and how it tasted.

 

Friese said that “everybody seems to be in a hurry, but nobody really wants to be.”  He reminded us that speed is a dangerous thing is almost all aspects of life.  We should be deliberate about our thought processes.  In doing so, we should make fewer mistakes, be more civil, and more polite.  He closed with this advice: 

 

“Spend more time around the table.  Nourish yourself, your family, your friends, and your spirit.”  If the most important person to lead is yourself, then take his advice to heart.  Think about how to make decisions that build community at home and in the workplace.  Bon appétit!

Jann's Note:  When you see the movie FOOD Inc., let me know what you think.  It started an on-going conversation in our house that has not stopped.  We have also changed how we are eating and many of the items we are buying. 

Got the Mental Edge?

Recently I read an article about what it takes to have a mental edge.  The article said that Hemingway defined guts as having grace under pressure.  Billy Jean King titled her book Pressure is a Privilege to indicate that she viewed pressure as a positive thing. 

Whether we are talking sports or business, we all need courage.  So what were some of the responses of how to get the mental edge and keep it?

Image by Getty Images via

• Serena Williams:  While her father was giving them their first tennis lessons, her mother was taking Serena and her sister, Venus, to the gym.  "You have to have the desire to achieve, to do better and do more than continually do, do, do.  It's an insatiable desire to  not only win, but just not to lose."  Her parents told her, "Tennis isn't everything.  Just relax.  Just enjoy your time in the sun."
• Tony Hawk:  "I try to enjoy the ride, even when things go less than perfectly.  There was a point when I put too much pressure on myself, and I was taking the fun out of skating ... Perform as if nobody is watching and you are doing it for yourself." 
• Lindsey Vonn:  "To get to the level I'm at, it's six to eight hours in the gym every day."
• Brian Viskers:  "I meditate.  It's an everyday thing that I do to help lead a healthy, balanced life."

Jim Loehr has worked with tennis players for years and is now applying his tried and true principles with executives.  He tries to help leaders harness the ability to summon talent and skill on demand.  He says this is "an acquired ability.  Nobody has it naturally.  It's not gifted, it's not coded in the genes, as far as we know.  It's acquired through practice and work. You want to train the mind to be very focused and present-centered, so you are very much in the moment." 

Jim Loehr's five laws:

1.  Maintain your energy.  Eat properly so you can focus on the present moment.

2.  Watch your emotions.  View situations as opportunities rather than threats. 

3.  Watch the negativity.  Language is powerful.  Keep the words positive.

4.  Train your opportunistic emotions.  Focus on gratitude, fun, optimism, and hope--     not anger, fear, regret, and frustration.

5.  Find a higher sense of purpose.  Find a purpose that rallies the human spirit.

What give you a mental edge?  What do you think the secret is to having grace under pressure?  

For me, it has to be the "fun gene."  If what we are doing is not enjoyable--which does not mean easy if you are familiar with the concept of "flow"-- then why are we doing it if we have choices?  Trying to focus on why I am doing it helps me get through the pressure.  

What is to for you?  What keeps you going? 
                  

The Visitor

Last year there was a small indie movie, The Visitor, that caught my attention because of the aspects of aging and sage-ing--and the fact that I have been a college professor for more than two decades.  The storyline is this:  

Image via Wikipedia

Walter, a widowed long-time professor, loses his passion for teaching and for life.  He seems lost in all ways.  When he travels to Manhattan for a conference to stay in his apartment in the city, he discovers that it is being used by an immigrant couple.  Rather then report them, he befriends them.

Walter starts smiling again and even takes up drumming, something he would never have considered if he had not met this couple.  While there are some other twists in the movie, what struck me was how Walter was transformed.  It was as if these relationships brought life back to him.  It was clear how he was helping them and, in turn, learning from them to appreciate the simple things in life.

As Walter added creativity to his life and was open to sharing his life with them, he discovered a purpose that added meaning to his life.  The relationship was certainly reciprocal.

I think it illustrated how important it is to feel connected and to have someone to care about and to have them care about you.  If you saw the movie, what were the themes that emerged for you? 

How do you sustain yourself?

Sustainability is a buzz word these days.  Usually it is associated with the green movement and being environmentally friendly.  But I want you to think about the word "sustain" personally.  Many leaders express how they would not be where they are without mentors, role models, coaches, heroes, and sages--wise people who were willing to share their life experiences for the benefit of those who follow.

• What sustains you as a leader?
• What threatens you?
• Who sustains your spirit?

  Image by Getty Images via Daylife

• What would you want to share with leaders to come?

How would you answer these questions?

Have you taken the time to thank the people who sustain you?

It is never too late and I don't think you can thank them enough.  Every opportunity I have to thank Dr. Elmer Burack, I do so.  Without the advice and wisdom from Elmer, I would not be where I am and I would not have accomplished what I have done so far without his help and encouragement.  In fact, I would not be who I am without the sage advice from Elmer.  Thanks again Elmer. 

Jann's Note:  Since Elmer is not connected on the Internet, he will not read this post.  He values human contact and has said to me many times, "any time you want to write or call just do so.  I want to hear your voice and read what you are writing."  So I write and call him and I always use each interaction to thank him.

Divorce and Sage-ing or Positively Aging

As I was reading a recent article in the New York Times, this statement caught my attention:

"Polls, studies, and anecdotal evidence suggest that the divorce rate for N.F.L. players is between 60 and 80 percent, which is higher than that of the general population, where nearly half of marriages end in divorce, but comparable to athletes in other sports."

What is the cause of this?  They face more physical pain than other athletes and have the shortest average career in sports.  The list also includes:

• rampant infidelity

  Image by Getty Images via Daylife

• women who target athletes
• trophy wives
• lifestyles not conducive to marriage and
• players surrounded by entourages which discourages intimacy.

Interestingly, retirement and the changes that accompany that transition was a primary cause. Divorces involving athletes often happen soon after retirement.  People do not know what to do with themselves after they are done playing football.  They face an identify crisis.  They leave behind the fame and fortune and loss of status.  And wives faced many of these same losses.  Wives also missed the limelight. 

Ken Ruettgers, an offensive lineman with the Green Bay Packers for 12 seasons, has a book coming out called "Life Beyond the Game" in which he summarizes the challenges of transition with three M's:  money, marriage, and mission.  He said the bottom-line is for players to find new identities and re-establish their relationship.

What they need to understand sooner rather than later is the process of sage-ing or positively aging.  Athletes in particular are often forced to retire early.  So they need to plan what to do in their next phase which comes sooner for them than for the rest of us.  But the questions are the same for all of us:

What is my purpose?

Who are my role models and mentors?

How do I become a sage?

What will be my legacy once my career is over?

This is where life coaching and counseling can add real value.  It is often hard to answer these questions for ourselves and by ourselves.  What advice would you give these athletes if they came to you?

Are you a "new elder?"

According to Richard Leider and Larry Spears, in their article "Savoring Life Through Servant-Leadership," new elders are those who choose to live in ways characterized by a vitality that is grounded in a deep sense of "servant-leadership."  They condense the new elderhood into four basic questions:

1.  What is my role? (Wisdom)

2.  How can I serve? (Service)

3.  What do I care about? (Savoring)

4.  What is my legacy? (Saving)

These are consistent with what Leider claims is intrinsic to "the good life."  These questions are easy to remember and can help drive our thinking about how we want to spend our time, money, and energy.  They can influence the kinds of decisions that we make in all aspects of our life for the rest of our life. 

What is my purpose?  Your purpose?

We can start right now! 

Who are your elders? 

Are you on the road to becoming an elder? 

Jann's Note:  Elderhood is another word for becoming a sage.  New elderhood is a term indicating that people can't be too young to think about the questions listed above.