On Friends

I've been thinking about friends and friendship lately, probably because of the Facebook explosion.  Yes, I am on Facebook, but I can't say I use it effectively.  But I find myself thinking about friends and how that term is used.  There are invitations to be friends and to unfriend someone.  You are encouraged to connect with the friends of your friends.  Even the term BFF (best friends forever) seems to be used rather lightly  I am concerned this term and how it is being used is diluting my perception of what it means to be a friend.

Image via CrunchBase

I think it is easy to have acquaintances, but that friends are special people and harder to find.  When you find friends, these are people who lift you up, make you a better person, celebrate your successes and you would celebrate theirs, and people you would drop everything to help if they needed you. 

A strength of mine to a fault is that I am a friend for life and I want to hold onto dear friends.  I believe good friends are relationships worth investing the time because there are dividends.  It is hard for me to "let go' because I care about my friends.

If we adhere to the Facebook philosophy, then it is easy to find friends, make friends, invite friends, and uninvite friends.  This is contrary to what I have always believed.  Our minister had a sermon on friendship in which he said:

"I officiated at a funeral for a man who considered himself very blessed in that he counted five good friends.  Not just acquaintances--people with whom he had a sustaining and cordial relationship through work or some organization.  Not just buddies--people he hung out with for beer or golf or some common interest.  Rather, he was deeply thankful that he had five friends--people who loved him and shared their life and for whom he willingly did the same."

'I have five good, good friends,' he said to me a week or so before he died.  'I am a blessed man.'"

Our minister concluded that once we have solved our lowest level needs--food, water, health--it is our web of connections we share with other people that determines the quality of life--our friendships: 

"It is our friendships that give us a sense of happiness and well-being.  And the converse is true as well.  There is nothing as painful as the loneliness of not having friends."

So I tend to take the word "friend" more seriously than used by Facebook.  And I think as we get older it is harder to make new friends.  Therefore, it is worth the time keeping in touch with old friends and Facebook has helped me to do that.  But I don't accept every invitation and I don't invite everyone I know.  I still like to consider a true friend as someone special.

What is your definition of a friend?  Has your definition changed at all because of how the term is used by Facebook? 

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Comments

[Danielle De Haan]

I gave up facebook for lent so my attention was drawn to this entry. I look forward to seeing who my true friends are, one's that don't just talk to me on facebook, and see who I can really count on!

[Jann Freed]

I think that is a creative thing to give up and the results will be interesting. At least you find out who is willing to make more of an effort. Based on my experience, true friends are hard to find--people who want what is best for you, who life you up, who you can trust. When you find them, hold onto them. It is easy to make acquaintances. Happy Lent. Thanks for reading.