Jann's Blog: February 2010

Welcome to the Zoomer Movement!

With more than 75 million U. S. baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964), they set the rules. Boomers defined how Americans approached their working years and now they are out to change the rules on how to live the rest of our lives. David Demko, a gerontologist, is referring to this time as the Zoomer Movement which is out to redefine how people in their fifties and beyond visualize retirement, work, lifespan, and meaning. Basically, retiring the word "retirement" and creating a whole new vision for living out our lives. Demko says:

Image via Wikipedia

"The Zoomer culture isn't about denying that we're entering the second half-century of life, it's about viewing this period as a rich opportunity for personal growth."

Demko is the author of Zoomer Boomer: Stop Acting Your Age, Start Living Your Life. "It's a second chance to achieve fulfillment in ways you didn't earlier, to reinvent the prime of life."

Interestingly, a recent study on the mindset of boomers by the Natural Marketing Institute (nmisolutions.com) found that 77 percent of women in the category and 68 percent of men believe the best years of their life are still ahead and 61 percent of men and 53 percent of women aspire to live to age 100.

So what are we going to do with our time? How will we live out our long lives?

I am passionate about helping people figure this out. For some, the path is intuitive and life just happens. But for most of us, it is worth investing the time and energy into figuring out what to do with the rest of our lives. It can be a period of growth, excitement, and fulfillment. But it is not a guarantee.

Be proactive. I am.

Posted by Jann Freed on February 26, 2010 in Leadership, Life Renewal, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

What is your legacy?

Most of us think about our legacy at the end of our careers. But I just read Your Leadership Legacy by Robert Galford and Regina Maruca and they advocate the sooner we think about legacy the better. Legacy work is one of the primary components of sage-ing. If we feel as if our life matters and is fulfilled than it we look forward to getting older instead of fighting. We don't worry about wrinkles when we are focused on making a difference.

Galford and Maruca talk about how legacy thinking is forward thinking. We should be always aware of the difference we are making to those around us. With every decision we make or do not make, we are leaving a legacy.

Cover via Amazon

Professional athletes have an advantage in that they are forced to think about retirement at a much earlier age. In doing so, the legacy athletes leave is often a reflection of the stories emphasized by the media.

Kurt Warner just announced his retirement and since he is a local hero people in Iowa paid attention. In fact, Warner said he knows what he wants his legacy to be:

"It's not the way I threw the football, it's not particular games that I won, but that they remember that here's a guy that believed, that worked hard," he said. "Although things didn't always go in his favor, he continued to press through, and with his faith in himself and his faith in God, he was able to accomplish great things."

Warner was stocking shelves in a grocery store when the Iowa Barnstormers discovered him. At that time, he would volunteer time in the elementary schools and my twin sons used to throw the football with him never dreaming that they were playing with a future star of the NFL.

Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner in their book A Leader's Legacy summarize it this way: “The legacy you leave is the life you lead.” Warner is a great story because of the authentic life he led. We can learn from his grace and generosity. He wanted to go out on top and he is doing that. Now it will be fun to see what else he accomplishes with his life.

What is your legacy?

Posted by Jann Freed on February 22, 2010 in Leadership, Life Sages, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Remembering a Love Story

Cover of Love Story

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." If you are a baby boomer, you know exactly the movie from which this line comes: Love Story. This movie from 1970 earned seven Academy Award nominations and made Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw superstars. They were the Brad and Angelina of today.

The movie Love Story was based on the novel by the same name written by Erich Segal, a Yale classics professor's first novel. Segal just died in January of this year (January 17, 2010), but he will always be remembered for this book that spent more than a year on the New York Times hard-cover best seller list. Both the book and the movie swept the country.

I remember exactly where I was in life when this movie came out. I was in high school and we went as a family to the nearest theater and it was common for the line to be wrapped around the block with people waiting in line to get into the movie for weeks. Ali MacGraw was setting the fashion trend because she was so popular. In fact, my grandmother knitted me several hats that looked exactly like Ali's in Love Story.

Now Ali MacGraw is 71 and that is hard to believe. I read an article about her recently that talked about her journey in which she said, "Every life experience makes us who we are. I don't regret anything." And in many ways, her life has not been easy, but it has been interesting.

Ali described how at her last birthday, almost every man from her past called her:

"That's another thing that getting older really cements: ex-lover, ex-husband, child, girlfriends, gay friends--that gaggle of human beings is a gift. Time is really precious now. I have too many books I haven't read and too much music I haven't listened to and too many long distance calls with people I don't get to see. So I get up very early, at 6:30. I am disciplined, in many ways. And--this will sound Pollyanna-ish--but gratitude is where I start."

Great words from a woman who is becoming a sage on her terms. She charmed us in the 1970s and she continues to charm me in her 70s.

For Valentine's Day and in honor of Erich Segal, I am including one of my all-time favorite movie scenes from Love Story:

Posted by Jann Freed on February 14, 2010 in Life Renewal, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Second Half of Life--Second Chance at Life

The more I learn about the second half of life, the more it seems as if this is a second chance at life--a chance to get it right. This year in particular, the movies have reflected this theme--getting it right--or making things right.

In the movie It's Complicated, Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin give their relationship another try---trying to see if they can get it right the second time around. It had me laughing, but also had serious moments. In the end, they came to a resolution. But it reminded us that life is complicated.

Crazy Heart is about country singer Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) trying to get it right with his life, career, and son in the second half of life. While he does not succeed at all levels, he makes progress and you witness how important that is to him. It reminded me so much of The Wrestler from last year which was a moving film with a great song written by Bruce Springsteen.

Cover of The Wrestler [Blu-ray]

Another nice movie was Everybody's Fine with Robert De Niro. He is a retired widower who is trying to make it right with his adult children. After his wife dies, he is trying to get it right in the second half of life.

The theme seems to be to use what time we have left to make things right before it is too late. What these movies show us is that it is worth the effort even when we don't totally succeed.

So in the second half of life, we have the chance to get it right. That is a gift.

PS: Since I loved the theme song in The Wrestler, I am including the song below.

Posted by Jann Freed on February 14, 2010 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Life is Complicated

The other night we went to the movie It's Complicated. Talk about the perfect baby boomer movie! Jane (Meryl Streep) has an affair with her ex-husband Jake (Alec Baldwin) and spends the movie trying to process why she is doing it, if she should be doing this, and what to do next. It was interesting to watch the crowd leave the theater at the end because it looked as if everyone there fit into the baby boomer generation.

The movie made me laugh out loud and it made me tear up. A friend told me once that the sign of a good movie is that it can bring out all kinds of emotions--make you glad and make you sad. This movie did exactly that. It was as if I could put names of people I know on all of the faces in the movie.

But what struck me the most was how it reflected and emphasized that life is complicated. There are no easy answers, but we need to realize the transitions of life that we go through and continue to go through as we gain in life experiences. For a couple to stay together, it seems critical that both people are knowledgeable about these transitions in order to grow together.

The more life experience I have, the more I understand the phrase "they grew apart." It is hard to stay on the same "railroad tracks" and going in the same direction unless some serious "inner work" takes place by both people.

Image via Wikipedia

Sage-ing (positively aging, consciously aging, growing in wisdom) involves processing life experiences and sharing those experiences with people you care about and who care about you. It seems as if so many movies are being made about the topic of aging (i.e.The Wrestler, Crazy Heart) and how to do it right. Several movies show the struggle of not being able to do what we used to do or the character is an underdog--washed up and regretful of the past.

Life is complicated. But we need to remember to "be here now."

When will we have more time than we have right now?

What if the rest of life is the best of life?

Did you see It's Complicated?

What did you think?

Posted by Jann Freed on February 12, 2010 in Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Annual Winter Retreat--Wonderland

For the past five years, I have been going to the New Melleray Abbey for a retreat. Since many of the Sages in my leadership study said this was a good thing to do, I decided I needed to have this experience. Now after a pattern of going on retreat always at about the same time in early January, I have come to think of this as a winter wonderland. It is always cold, stark, and usually snowing. The idea is to have some time to be alone, be in silence, and to go within myself so I can "hear" what I am thinking with a goal of calming the inner chatter or to listen to the inner voice.

I will be sharing some of my insights from this retreat in a few posts. Thanks for reading.

Posted by Jann Freed on February 08, 2010 in Leadership, Living Life, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

On Friends

I've been thinking about friends and friendship lately, probably because of the Facebook explosion. Yes, I am on Facebook, but I can't say I use it effectively. But I find myself thinking about friends and how that term is used. There are invitations to be friends and to unfriend someone. You are encouraged to connect with the friends of your friends. Even the term BFF (best friends forever) seems to be used rather lightly I am concerned this term and how it is being used is diluting my perception of what it means to be a friend.

Image via CrunchBase

I think it is easy to have acquaintances, but that friends are special people and harder to find. When you find friends, these are people who lift you up, make you a better person, celebrate your successes and you would celebrate theirs, and people you would drop everything to help if they needed you.

A strength of mine to a fault is that I am a friend for life and I want to hold onto dear friends. I believe good friends are relationships worth investing the time because there are dividends. It is hard for me to "let go' because I care about my friends.

If we adhere to the Facebook philosophy, then it is easy to find friends, make friends, invite friends, and uninvite friends. This is contrary to what I have always believed. Our minister had a sermon on friendship in which he said:

"I officiated at a funeral for a man who considered himself very blessed in that he counted five good friends. Not just acquaintances--people with whom he had a sustaining and cordial relationship through work or some organization. Not just buddies--people he hung out with for beer or golf or some common interest. Rather, he was deeply thankful that he had five friends--people who loved him and shared their life and for whom he willingly did the same."

'I have five good, good friends,' he said to me a week or so before he died. 'I am a blessed man.'"

Our minister concluded that once we have solved our lowest level needs--food, water, health--it is our web of connections we share with other people that determines the quality of life--our friendships:

"It is our friendships that give us a sense of happiness and well-being. And the converse is true as well. There is nothing as painful as the loneliness of not having friends."

So I tend to take the word "friend" more seriously than used by Facebook. And I think as we get older it is harder to make new friends. Therefore, it is worth the time keeping in touch with old friends and Facebook has helped me to do that. But I don't accept every invitation and I don't invite everyone I know. I still like to consider a true friend as someone special.

What is your definition of a friend? Has your definition changed at all because of how the term is used by Facebook?

Posted by Jann Freed on February 06, 2010 in Living Life | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Eat, Pray, Love, Live

Last year I had the opportunity to hear Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, and I enjoyed her in person more than I enjoyed the book. Without using a note, she captivated the audience with her pleasing personality, authentic delivery and style, and her ability to tell fascinating stories.

Cover of Eat, Pray, Love

Now Gilbert has a new book out titled Committed which is a meditation on marriage. In an interview I read about her explaining her new book, I was struck by her analogy involving relationships because I think it can be applied to work situations as well as personal. She talks about how she wanted to make sure that her husband-to-be knew all of her worse character flaws. So she had a prenuptial informed consent release where she described to him in writing her top five flaws. Then she presented it to him and here was his response:

"When i used to go down to Brazil to buy gemstones, I would often buy something they call 'a parcel.' A parcel is this random collection of gems that the miner or the wholesaler puts together. A typical parcel would contain 20-30 aquamarines at once. Supposedly, you get a better deal that way--buying them all in a bunch--but you have to be careful, because of course the guy is trying to rip you off. He's trying to unload hi bad gemstones on you by packaging them together with a few really good ones.

So when I first started in the jewelry business, I used to get in trouble because I'd get too excited about the one or two perfect aquamarines in the parcel, and I wouldn't pay as much attention to the junk they threw in there. After I got burned enough times, I finally got wise and learned this--you have to ignore the perfect gemstones. Don't even look at them twice because they're blinding. Just put them away and have a careful look at the really bad stones. Look at them for a long time and then ask yourself honestly, 'Can I work with these? Can I make something out of this?' Otherwise, you've just spent a whole lot of money on one or two gorgeous aquamarines buried inside a heap of worthless crap.

It's the same with relationships, I think. People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other's personalities. Who wouldn't? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that's not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner's faults honestly and say, 'I can work around that'? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it's always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you."

As I read this, I thought this philosophy could be applied to any type of relationship--colleague, friends, family, spouse. Maybe if we had this attitude, we could more easily work together--live together.

Our minister had a twist on the older book: I'm OK You're OK. He said that maybe our philosophy should be: I'm not OK and you're not OK and that is OK. In this way, we realize that we are not perfect and that no one else is perfect either and we can accept that. And that leaves room for grace and forgiveness which is what we need when we live and work together.