Learning is a never-ending journey. I've learned much from my mentors, from the wise sages in my life. I feel it is important to share and pass along some of what I have learned – and continue to learn. I believe we are all responsible for smoothing the path for those who come after us. And I know that we are all connected and here to support one another.
My purpose is to:
Improve organizational effectiveness through individual development
Improve individual effectiveness through organizational development
Register Now! If you are interested in learning more about what to do with the rest of your life, think about registering for my one night class called: Beyond Retirement: Now What? I am teaching this on Thursday, April 8 from 7-9 pm at Roosevelt High School in Des Moines through DMPS Community Education. I would love to have you in my class.
If you know of other people who are baby boomers and want to know more about aging gracefully in our society that worships the youth or how to grow in wisdom, please inform them of this opportunity. Much of what I share is based on the bookFrom Aging to Sage-ing: A Profound New Vision of Growing Older by Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. Spaces are limited. Hope to see you!
I never pass on jokes received via email. And I don't usually pass on stories either. But the story below caught my attention. Since it is about aging and sage-ing, I had to include it in my blog. Since it mentions Hospice and I am an advocate and trained to be a volunteer, I wanted to pass it on to all of my readers (whoever you may be).
But I like the way it makes you think of what Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner call RPMs--or Rosa Parks Moments. They remind us that it is the little things in life that really make the big differences. The Cab Ride stresses gratitude and having the right attitude.
I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the
suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.'
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.
'I don't have any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said,'I'm tired. Let's go now.'
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said, 'You have to make a living,' she answered.
'There are other passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent over and gave her a hug. She held on to me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.
'Thank you.'
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.
What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
After decades of research, Daniel Pink concludes there are three key elements of effective motivation. In his new book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, Pink says that autonomy, mastery, and purpose are critical to our motivation. I was not surprised by his findings.
Many people use the term "motivation" inappropriately. We hear people say:
The answer is we can NOT motivate others. Motivation comes from within ourselves. What leaders, teachers, coaches, and parents can do is to create an environment where people can feel motivated. And this is where the findings are interesting. We need to realize that most people want autonomy, want to learn and improve (with feedback that helps), and want to feel as if they are adding value and making a difference.
What do you think? Are you motivated by freedom, challenge, and purpose? I know I am and that keeps me going. If we are motivated by these elements, then we need to remember to create spaces where others can have them also.
Last week I had the opportunity to go hear Brandi Carlilewith an old friend. Even though I did not know Carlile, I was eager to get out of the house because of cabin fever. It has been so cold that I have not gotten out much except to go to work.
It was a great evening. What I did not know, was that Carlile sings a song that I love and appreciate: The Storyand the words reflect so much of sage-ing :
I first heard this song as I was watching an ESPN special about Joe Paterno. It is so touching and makes me always think about the value in growing older and how much we should appreciate people with life experience.
Watch this and tell me what you think. Makes me tear up every time I watch it because it makes me think of Coach Ron Schipper of Central College--a sage and legend.
The more I learn about the second half of life, the more it seems as if this is a second chance at life--a chance to get it right. This year in particular, the movies have reflected this theme--getting it right--or making things right.
In the movie It's Complicated, Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin give their relationship another try---trying to see if they can get it right the second time around. It had me laughing, but also had serious moments. In the end, they came to a resolution. But it reminded us that life is complicated.
Crazy Heartis about country singer Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) trying to get it right with his life, career, and son in the second half of life. While he does not succeed at all levels, he makes progress and you witness how important that is to him. It reminded me so much of The Wrestler from last year which was a moving film with a great song written by Bruce Springsteen.
Another nice movie was Everybody's Finewith Robert De Niro. He is a retired widower who is trying to make it right with his adult children. After his wife dies, he is trying to get it right in the second half of life.
The theme seems to be to use what time we have left to make things right before it is too late. What these movies show us is that it is worth the effort even when we don't totally succeed.
So in the second half of life, we have the chance to get it right. That is a gift.
PS: Since I loved the theme song in The Wrestler, I am including the song below.
A few weeks ago I facilitated a workshop called "Living a Quality Life for the Rest of Your Life." I always preface a workshop with this kind of title as saying, "I don't have the answers and I am seeker also. But I will share with you what I have learned along the way.
The workshop integrated concepts of sage-Inga with the recent literature on happiness. I showed a segment from the PBS series on happiness called This Emotional Life. This is an excellent series based on research by Daniel Gilbert from Harvard University. He has several conclusions, but the ones that most interest me are:
If you hold heath constant, older people (people with more life experience as we say in sage-ing) are happier than younger people.
People with disabilities are not necessarily less happy than others.
We also talked about the concept of flow which is when your skills and talents are pushed to the limit and you get lost in what you are doing and lose a sense of time. When this happens, we are in the flow--content and fulfilled.
When you are most happy? What do you think it takes to live a quality life?
During December, our pastor had a sermon on A Blue Christmas and I found the concept intriguing. It seems that holiday time can be the best of times--friends, family, season's greetings--and it can be the worst of times for the same reasons. Not everyone is happy during the holidays and the pressure to act happy can be overwhelming.
One aspect of leadership I have been emphasizing is the compassion to recognize loss and grief in the workplace. Particularly this year, many people have lost a lot--jobs, security, financial investments--not to mention people who have lost family and friends to death. People in Haiti have lost so many and so much.
So our pastor talked about how some churches and faith communities are quietly having a service called A Blue Christmas--as in "I'm feeling blue--not happy." He said it is usually a "small, quiet little service for members which is less celebratory and festive and more pastoral and caring in tone ... It is an effort to create a caring space for people living through some difficult time" in hope that they can find some healing and reason to look forward to the future.
Pastor Jim shared a poem by Ted Loder that I thought was moving to remind us that we really are not in control and that we need to remember everyone--even those who find it hard to rejoice.
O God of all seasons and senses, grant us the sense of your timing
to submit gracefully and rejoice quietly in the turn of the seasons.
In this season of short days and long nights, of grey and white and cold,
teach us the lessons of endings; children growing, friends leaving,
loved ones dying, grieving over,
grudges over, blaming over, excuses over.
O God, grant us a sense of your timing.
In this season of short days and long nights, of grey and white and cold,
teach us the lessons of beginnings;
that such waitings and endings may be the starting place,
a planting of seeds which bring to birth what is ready to be born--
something right and just and different,
a new song, a deeper relationship, a fuller love--
"Dov, Seidman, The CEO of LRN, which helps companies build ethical cultures, likes to talk about two kinds of values: "situational values" and "sustainable values." Leaders, companies or individuals guided by situational values do whatever the situation will allow, no matter the wider interests of their communities. A banker who writes a mortgage for someone he knows can't make the payments over time is acting on situational values, saying: 'I'll be gone when the bill comes due."
"People inspired by sustainable values act just the opposite, saying: "I will never be gone. I will always be there. Therefore, I must behave in ways that sustain--my employees, my customers, my suppliers, my environment, my country and my future generations."
We should all be acting based on sustainable values. Just today, I showed the students in my course the first Michael Moore movie called: Roger and Me. The movie is done in typical Moore fashion as a documentary. Roger and Me is about the automobile industry in Michigan, particularly Flint (Moore's hometown) and how devastated it was in the 1980s with layoffs and closings.
But the situation in Detroit and Michigan in general is worse now than when the movie was made. It is even harder to watch now given the current economy.
So how can we lead based on sustainable values? Is this possible?
It is so easy to let our situational values lead us.
Recently I read a book where the founder and CEO of Patagonia said that he made decisions with the hope that the company is around for the next 100 years. Thinking in this way is thinking sustainability and if you know anything about Patagonia, their niche is focused on what is best for the environment and marketing products made out of recycled materials.
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