A few weeks ago, I had the chance to hear Peter Hedges talk in Des Moines as part of the Des Moines Public Library's AViD author series. He is often remembered best for his novel and screenplay "What's Eating Gilbert Grape," but he also wrote the Academy Award-nominated screenplay for the movie "About a Boy" and the movie "Pieces of April" for which he wrote and directed.
Hedges was in town reading from his latest book "The Heights" which is a novel about Brooklyn Heights, his current neighborhood. As he was interviewed for this presentation, he said several things that made me think about life so I thought I would share them with you and then I will explain why his comments struck me.
"Life is messy. The messes I've made or walked into have been some of the most important periods of my life. I really love to write about people who are having problems. It is the gas of writing."
Hedges is married and the father of two teenagers, but said that he wanted to "write about a great marriage and how fragile and yet how resilient a great marriage can be."
"As I get older, I'm aware how lives can change. So I wanted to explore a marriage where they stopped trying to tell each other everything and what happens when secrets are held."
He said that he remembers fondly the advice of his father, a former Episcopal priest who is now 85. "Sheep lose their way one blade of grass at a time. They way you don't get lost is look up."
And Hedges said, "For me, the question I ask in my own life and am asking in the book is: What is enough? How much do we need? I think that is pertinent now, when we can't have all what we want."
Jann's Note: Hedges calls the book a "wake-up story." Learning how to age in this youth-oriented society takes a wake-up call. I have come to believe that couples need to be on similar paths or they are likely to grow apart. And we need to "look up" or be awake, alert, and present in order to pay attention to what is happening. Drifting through life is easy. Making intentional choices based on thoughtful reflection is hard–but makes all of the difference.
The journey to becoming a sage and to not get lost is to "look up." Here's to looking up!
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Doc, Might I suggest you take a look at http://www.doczero.com It is a political blog concerning taking back America from government takeover. He writes with knowledge, passion & his own views on the what needs to be done. He rarely, if ever, describes what someone else is thinking or what book someone else has written. My point is : What are YOU doing to sage, what is YOUR legacy you are leaving and what are YOU doing to motivate and give back. If I wanted to know what others in the sageing world are thinking or doing, I would buy their books or read their blogs. Your blog is not about you, it’s about others. Why won’t you ‘ blog ‘ about your contributions other than promoting others ? It could be one of the reasons your ‘ hits ‘ are low…
DG- I don’t know how relevant that comment was to the story or if you were just taking the opportunity to get that in the open. “If I wanted to know what others in the sageing world are thinking or doing, I would buy their books or read their blogs.” This comment makes me believe that you are not a big fan of this blog. Dr. Freed is not a self-glorifying person. She loves learning new pieces of information or advice and sharing it with everyone around her in hopes that she can influence their life. That is what she is doing here. By promoting other people she is creating a network of connections that could help us all. Plus, it is great to here information that a Dr. thinks is important enough to pass on. Sorry if any of this is wrong Dr. Freed. This is just the way I view things.
I’m reading this far beyond its origination, but I find another reminder that “we need to ‘look up’ or be awake, alert, and present in order to pay attention to what is happening.” Mary Pipher writes in “Letters to a Young Therapist” that being a therapist “is a way of paying attention, which is the purest form of love.” She quotes songwriter Greg Brown, who compared life to a “thumb-ripe melon, so sweet and such a mess.” I find it comforting that Peter Hedges writes about people who are having problems and knows that life is messy.
Love his quote: “I really love to write about people who are having problems. It is the gas of writing.” I think this is true because people are intrigued by how others work their way out of messes. I for one need to learn from others, rather they intend to model the way or not. We learn from others’ good decision as well as their bad ones.