At the Sage-ing Conference, I met many interesting people and one of them was Bob Atchley. He has been involved in the Sage-ing Guild for years and taught at Miami of Ohio University for over 30 years. Atchley is an accomplished writer of books and articles, But since he has transtioned out of higher education, he has focused on songwriting and he shared with us some of the songs he has written. In fact, in my leadership course, I bought his CD to play as a way to share his wisdom.
Wisdom has been one of my favorite words for several years now. I find the word intriguing, yet inspirational and Atchley shared his definition of wisdom. He said that wise people have:
- the ability to respond to a situation with clarity and compasison. They feel the pain and are movtivated to do something to help.
- a deep understanding in a large context. They ask questions to learn more.
- deep listening skills. They create spaces where people can ask them questions.
But Atchley emphasized that wise people are good at waiting–attentive waiting. They pay attention to the person completely. The request for wisdom will come if needed. He said this is similar to the Quaker practice of waiting.
Atchley told us to "go out and be wise. Be quiet. Wait." He encouraged younger people to ask for wisdom. And he said elders need to show up and make ourselves available and that it doesn't matter if anyone notices. This is why intergenerational learning is so important in growing in wisdom. We can all learn from each other. But this does not happen if we only "hang with our own crowd" all of the time or if we segregate into age groups.
It certainly does not happen when we shut off elders from society in gated communities. This is one reason why Bill Thomas is on a mission to revolutionize "retirement villages" by incorporating different age groups such as integrating childcare centers so that elders can mentor, teach, and care about children. Since families are so spread out, we can all help each other.
It sounds trite, but it does take a village. When I was growing up, one set of grandparents lived five miles away and they were a significant part of my life. This has not been the case for my kids.
How many of you could have used some additional mentors in your life to help you?
I think it is very important to have wisdom from other people in someone’s life. I have been blessed to have wisdom immersed in my life from my parents. Every good and bad situation with my parents and me was used as a teachable moment. Sometimes in high school I would listen, but it wouldn’t be ingrained in my actions or how I thought about life. But now, I see it completely different, because I realize that I’m not just a kid anymore and my choices affect others as well as myself.
I believe that having mentors in your life can have a huge and lasting impact. I also grew up not living vary far away from both sets of my grandparents. I remember going and spending hours at their houses, and I know that they were able to share a lot of valuable information with me that has helped me become who I am today.
I really like the idea that Bill Thomas has about finding ways to integrate child care centers into retirement communities. In many ways these children can benefit from having an elder become their mentor, but it also can be beneficial for the elders as well. We can all teach each other something if we just take the time to form those types of relationships.
Mentors and elders have always been a big part of my life. Not only do I learn what they have by the life lessons they actually give, but I love to ask them how they understand my actions in today’s world. I am glad that someone has found a way to integrate children care centers into retirement communities. I feel that many individuals in my home town could bennifit from souch an integration.
Mentors and elders have always been a big part of my life. Not only do I learn what they have by the life lessons they actually give, but I love to ask them how they understand my actions in today’s world. I am glad that someone has found a way to integrate children care centers into retirement communities. I feel that many individuals in my home town could bennifit from souch an integration.
I didn’t grow up with a lot of relatives. For the most part it was just my parents, my siblings and myself. All my grandparents passed away long before I was born so only my siblings got to meet them. To make up for this I worked in Elderly homes from middle school until I graduated high school. I loved listening to the stories and what they had to say about life and significant events in their life. But I think some people are mistaken when they think you must physically older to have wisdom. Maybe I had to grow up a lot faster than most but i believe wisdom comes with your experiences in life and how you chose to view them.
Some of my favorite memories of my late grandparents are of them telling stories from their childhood and early adulthood. It was so interesting to hear how different life was for them and to realize how much the world has changed. I think talking to different generations can really put our lives in perspective because it really allows us to critically analyze society and ourselves.
My grandparents have played an important part in my life. Growing up every Sunday was spent with them traveling somewhere or baking cookies. As I continue to grow older I still find myself making my way to their house to talk and share memories. Whenever I’m in a questionable situation I ask myself, what would grandma and grandpa think about this. I believe that thought has kept me out of trouble many times. I feel grandparents should play a key role in their grandkids lives. They help establish the roots of the family name.
I think one reason elders are so eager to talk to younger people is because they had someone in their life who talked to them when they were our age. They like to know what’s going on in our lives, even if they don’t know us very well. Every time I go home for the weekend, I always run in to an elder, whether it be at church or around town. They always want to know how I’m doing, what’s going on, and they always follow up with some sort of advice or story. They WANT to give advice and share their wisdom. Because of these conversations, I have built relationships with several elders in my community–not to mention that I have received some great advice and wisdom!
One of the things that I do find quite interesting that a few people have already mentioned is the fact that a lot of elders do genuinely care and want to hear about our lives as well as share with us their childhood stories and how they differ from one another. I think that it truly fascinates them to see the way that certain things have changed since they were kids. Talking with them and listening to their perspective has really opened my eyes to many new things in life. Especially in our generation it’s so easy to get caught up in our day to day routine that we don’t take time to do things like these. No matter what age, I think we can always use additional mentors to guide us in our lives.
As I read this blog piece and saw the idea that a wise person is a listener and observes, I related this to one of the parables in “parables of leadership.” It discusses how a good leader is one that can listen to others, and “read between the lines.” In the same way, a person looking to become wise must listen to those who have more life experience, but also to understand those things that are unsaid. This inlcudes observing their actions and how others respond to them. Anytime I begin a new job or experience, I try to simply pay attention to how others do things, rather than to ask them how to. It can be difficult to tell people how to do something, but you can always show them.
There are many people in my life that have had a tremendous affect on me because of their wisdom. I reciently attended my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary where I was reminded just how much I look up to my grandparents because the vast amount of “wisdom” they have shared with me throughout my life. I love listening to their stories about all the ups and downs they have been through in their lifes.
It is true that we can learn a lot of things from those that are older and more wise than ourselves. I love talking to my grandma about when she was a little girl and what hardships she had to endure. I like seeing how different our lives now are from what they used to be. I also through these stories gain a lot of wisdom from my grandma. She always is willing to give me helpful advice, as well as show me how to live a successful life by example. Overall, I agree that we as a younger generation could learn a lot from elders. So therefore we should make it a goal to gain as much wisdom from these loved ones with a plethora of life experiences before it is too late.
Having meaningful relationships with people older than ourselves can be very beneficial to people our age. My grandparents along with many other elders from my church and community have taught me many lessons that would have taken me years figure on my own. Many of these lessons I learned without their knowledge by observing how they treated and interacted with other people. Last fall I did service learning at an assisted living facility. The people there were always very happy to see college students and more than willing to share their life experiences with us. If you haven’t take the time to get to know an elder I recommend doing so. You never know what you might learn from them.
Having meaningful relationships with people older than ourselves can be very beneficial to people our age. My grandparents along with many other elders from my church and community have taught me many lessons that would have taken me years figure on my own. Many of these lessons I learned without their knowledge by observing how they treated and interacted with other people. Last fall I did service learning at an assisted living facility. The people there were always very happy to see college students and more than willing to share their life experiences with us. If you haven’t take the time to get to know an elder I recommend doing so. You never know what you might learn from them.
Respecting our elders is a very important concept in our society and our youth is slowly losing. The wisdom of an elder is more knowledgeable than any website or encyclopedia because they can give you a personal experience of events. I have learned to respect my elders more while doing service learning at Hilltop Manor here in Pella.
The older I get the more I wish I had lived closer to my grandparents and other family members. My parents moved from Nebraska to Illinois when they married, so I have always been at least 7 hours from the majority of my family. I wish I could have spent more time with my grandparents learning from them, but I also had the blessing of getting to spend weeks at a time with them whenever we visited them or when they came to Illinois. It was during those visits that I learned a lot because I spent every moment of the day with them instead of just being able to visit them for a few hours here and there. My grandparents, and even my aunts and uncles, are filled with so much knowledge that I love being with them during family gatherings, and I wish I could see them all more often.
I think it’s very important for people to detach themselves from their own comfort zones, stop limiting themselves to “hanging with the same crowd”, and start spending significant time with people of older age groups. The older generation has a lot of knowledge and wisdom to offer, and in order to improve as an individual, one should be open and willing to learn from elders. If we don’t, we are being close-minded, naive, and limiting our capacity to grow and develop as a person.
During my life I did have quite a few questions and in most instances some older figure entered my life and offered that help that I needed or gave me the advice to get by. A mentor however would have really helped a ton. I made so many mistakes in college and a mentor would have possibly been a great way to help avoid those mistakes. It’s funny now because my old high school is actually doing a mentoring program so I think mentors are becoming an extremely large part of life.
I like Atchley’s ideas about younger people needing to ask for wisdom and older people being available and waiting to be asked. This makes me think of all the networking opportunities Central works to provide for us. Employees, alumni, and others come to the school with large amounts of knowledge and wisdom; all we have to do is attend and ask questions. It’s been said many times that people love to talk about themselves, their stories, and their experiences. A great deal can be learned about what it takes to be successful in life now and after school.
I have always looked up to my older relatives. I feel that they always know the right thing or what to do. I feel that wisdom does come with age as older people have experienced more in their life and have been through things. I hope to someday be able to grant my wisdom to others.
I reflected on this topic when I wrote about volunteering for the Christian Opportunity Center in Pella. A majority of the clients served are much older than us students involved as volunteers. All the staff and clients are in a different place than you, and in this situation I gained wisdom by not hanging out with my own crowd. The same situation Atchley describes.