Jann's Blog: Life Sages

Coach Schipper was a Sage

As the beloved football coach at Central College for 36 years, Coach Ron Schipper died unexpectedly from a heart attack on March 26,2006. He was a leader and a sage.

I wrote an article about Coach Schipper when he retired. In order to do so, I interviewed and surveyed about 100 former players, coaches, and friends. This was before the use of email survey and correspondence, yet their response was overwhelming. The stories of life lessons they learned from Coach Schipper were inspiring.

It struck me that Coach Schipper instinctively practiced the kind of leadership that most of the Sages in my study advocate—servant leadership. He consistently led by example and his focus was on serving others. Coach Schipper made popular the phrase student-athlete because he was well aware that while at college coaches and professors were preparing people to be fine citizens and outstanding people. While it may sound easy, it is hard to practice and rare for most people. It takes courage to serve by caring about how people feel in the workplace. Leaders need to remove obstacles for people and not be the obstacle. This may sound as if it is common sense, but common sense is not so common.

When I was asked to speak at Coach Schipper’s memorial service which was attended by hundreds of former football players, coaches, and friends, I shared the following remarks:

Since Coach Schipper was a sage, you will understand when I say those of us who knew him, worked with him, respected him, and loved him all feel as if someone and something is missing from our lives. I think the key distinction of becoming a sage is to be interested instead of interesting. When you review the hundreds of stories shared on the dedication blog, the stories indicate that Coach Schipper was interested in:

Providing wise, prudent leadership
Offering his experiences and wisdom for the welfare of society
Expressing his hope in the future by the contributions he made for the generations that come after him

There are numerous stories that reflect that he was also interested in:

Giving generously with encouragement
Mentoring younger people who were drawn to his wisdom
Modeling a life that found validation, self-worth, and meaning from within, and
Making the College a better place.

As we all know, Coach Schipper was so much more than a coach. He was a sage.

For years to come, thousands of people will tell stories that reflect how Coach Schipper embodied these characteristics. As Coach Rick Coles of Lawrence University in Wisconsin said at the time of Schipper’s retirement, “Some have called him the Joe Paterno or Tom Osborne of Division III. I disagree. Joe Paterno and Tom Osborne are the Ron Schippers of Division I.”

****NOTE****

Now I have an addition to make to the above comments. I wrote this post last year. Based on recent events, I am sad to say I feel I need to eliminate Joe Paterno as a person with whom to compare Coach Schipper.

While none of us are perfect, the Coach Paterno situation reminds us how fast a legacy can be destroyed after years of supposedly living a life focused on integrity, trust, and character.

Posted by Jann Freed on January 02, 2012 in Leadership, Life Sages, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Lyle was a Sage

Cover via Amazon

This is the start of my series on sage-ing. I know I said I would have a post on Fridays. While I will try to make this happen, it might be easier to think of a weekly post as Fridays sneak up on me quickly. Since I will be highlighting various aspects of sage-ing in these examples, I will briefly review the concepts at the beginning of each post.

The essence of sage-ing can be summarized in five main points:

1. Exploring images of aging: Age does not define sages and they don't fight to look younger. They are proud of their life experience.

2. Engaging in life review: Sages know that wisdom comes from reflecting and learning from life experience.

3. Repairing and healing relationships: Healthy relationships sustain us and support us through our journey.

4. Embracing our own mortality: As Morrie says in the book Tuesdays with Morrie, "When you learn how to die, you learn how to live." Since death is inevitable, we need to embrace death in order to live life.

5. Leaving a legacy for future generations: When we are intentional about the life we are living, then we care about how we live our life. We want to pass on wisdom and leave the world a better place.

Lyle was a Sage

Lyle lived to be 93 and at his funeral there were about 300 people. Most people of this age have outlived most of their friends and this was probably true of Lyle also. But he was good at making new friends. He understood that cultivating intergenerational relationships kept a person young and always learning. Through mentoring people of various ages, Lyle was passing on his wisdom and he felt valued.

Since Lyle mentored both my husband and myself, I can speak from experience how much we depended on Lyle for advice and coaching on so many subjects. While I don't think Lyle ever made a lot of money, he saved, invested wisely, and accumulated wealth so that he was sought after for many causes. He taught us the value of "giving until it hurts" because of the rewards received in return.

I often use Lyle as an example in my sage-ing workshops because he was on the sage-ing journey without even knowing it. At his funeral, four people spoke and each was from a different generation. He reached out to people of all ages and in return, we all reached out to him because we needed his wisdom. As the pastor said at Lyle's funeral, "Without Lyle, the world is a little less kind, less smart, less rich, less wise."

Who do you know that sounds like Lyle? Please share your stories. Weekly, I will be sharing more of mine.

Posted by Jann Freed on November 28, 2011 in Life Sages, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Jane and Rita Advocating Personal Development

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I know I am onto something with the focus on transitioning. I want to help baby boomers figure out what to do with the rest of their lives. Positive aging is more than just having enough money and being smart. If only I had the name recognition of Jane Pauley and Rita Wilson (married to Tom Hanks does not hurt either). They are on advocating to boomers about how to age in this new age in which we are living. Pauley is part of the Today Show with her segment called Your Life Calling. Wilson is now Editor-at-Large of Huff/Post40 for the Huffington Post. And Jane Fonda has a new book titled Prime Time which is about making the most of your life for the rest of your life. While they don't mention the word "sage-ing," that is basically what they are describing.

Instead of getting older, we should focus on becoming elders. Instead of the focus on what is sagging, we need to learn about sage-ing. Rather than emphasize the external aspects of life experience, we need to think about the internal aspects of how to grow wiser because of our life experience.

Years ago, I read a quote and I can't remember by whom so I will paraphrase. "I don't mind having some wrinkles. It reflects that I had some meaningful experiences in my life in which I expressed myself in joy and in sorrow."

Another story I like to share is one I read in one of my favorite magazines: AARP! Jamie Lee Curtis is telling how she and her husband were attending a party after the Oscars and the room was filled with beautiful women. So she asked her husband which woman was the prettiest and she thought he would say her. He looked around the room and said, "Jessica Tandy."

Since Jessica was in her 80s, Jamie asked him why and he said something such as, "She is dressed in a simple, but elegant gown with only one strand of pearls." Jamie said that she looked at Jessica and agreed with her husband.

While he was looking on the outside, I believe it was Jessica's beauty from the inside that was showing through. It is hard to get older in this youth oriented culture. But would you want to return to younger years? In some ways, maybe. But I hope in most ways--not. Because life is here and now. We need to be present now and enjoy it.

Would you willing want to be younger? If so, why and what age?

Would you really want to live in the past?

There have been several times recently when I can tell my life experience is a benefit and I could not have done "whatever" when I was younger. Having been there now gives me the confidence to speak with clarity about several topics and the courage to "do the right thing." For this, I am grateful.

Posted by Jann Freed on November 10, 2011 in Life Sages, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

Ten Lessons from Leadership Sages

Image by elycefeliz via Flickr

Recently, I spoke at a conference for women leaders and I summarized some of the lessons I have learned over the past few years from my Sage research. Integrated into my comments were themes from Sally Helgesen's books since she is an leading authority on leadership and particularly women's leadership. My lessons reinforced her themes that in the past would have been considered “feminine leadership qualities” and are now just leadership qualities for everyone.

Ten lessons from my leadership Sages:

1. Know thyself. Self-knowledge is empowering. Emotional intelligence. The fluff is the stuff. The soft stuff is the hard stuff. Leadership is a relationship not a position.

2. Be present. To thrive in a 24.7 world, be mindful not mindless. Take time to listen and hear others and your inner voice. Find ways to slow down and renewal. When the phone rings, use it to remind you to take a breath. Church bells used to do this. Make a conscious effort to be here now.

3. Recognize the dark side. Understanding ego development is important. We need our ego, but don’t lead from the ego. The dark side (shadow) can manifest as greed, envy, fear, manipulation, and jealousy. When these behaviors are displayed, a toxic environment is created.

4. Understand death, loss, and grief. We are living and working at a time when people are losing money, jobs, equity, and companies. Those who survive layoffs also grieve. If you don’t learn how to handle grief, you can’t help others who are grieving.

5. Have an attitude of gratitude. In a concentration camp, Viktor Frankl realized that “life is not primarily a quest for pleasure or power, but a quest for meaning. You can’t control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.

6. Vulnerability is strength. Leaders can’t have all of the answers so surround yourself with people who complement your skill set to build strong teams. Admitting mistakes, showing compassion, forgiving, and demonstrating empathy are skills needed in a world with pain.

7. Understand life’s transitions. We are working with four generations in the workplace and this is easier when you understand life’s transitions. Most of life is made of transitions—beginnings and endings—seek to understand the feelings and emotions.

8. Disconnect to connect. Instead of Facebook, we need more face time. While we may have more connections because of technology, the relationships are likely shallow. It is hard to build a community when people don’t know each other very well. The definition of a good neighbor has changed from one where we hang out together on the front porch or borrow a cup of sugar to one where we build “privacy fences” and consider someone who does not bother us as a good neighbor!

9. Model resilience. You build resilience through renewal. Burn-out can result in unhealthy behaviors. Find ways of re-energizing yourself. Have a sacred time and space for reflecting on what’s most important to you.

10. Live and leave a legacy. We leave a legacy every time we leave a meeting, room, conversation—after each decision or encounter. As leaders, people notice how we behave, what we say, and how we say it. Focus on what matters most as we are living our legacy daily.

I am still processing the data and I continue to interview Sage leaders because there is so much to learn from wise people with rich life experiences. Connie Wimer, Chairperson of Business Publications Corporation, added an 11th lesson that she has learned from experience. Wimer said:

"Don't be afraid of to be afraid. Don't fear having fear." She told the audience that some of her courage came at times when she had experienced major challenges. But her fear and being afraid motivated her to make some of the best decisions for her life and work.

Who are the Sages in your life?

How are you learning to make your way?

What are some of your conclusions?

Posted by Jann Freed on October 27, 2011 in Leadership, Life Renewal, Life Sages | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

Meet Frances Hesselbein

Image via Wikipedia

Recently I had the chance to listen to Frances Hesselbein live via a webinar. Hesselbein is the former CEO of Girl Scouts of America, the current President of the Leader to Leader Institute (formerly the Peter Drucker Foundation of Nonprofit Management) and its founding President. She is currently the Editor-in-Chief of Leader to Leader. Hesselbein was one of Peter Drucker’s best friends and they often used each other as examples of effective leaders.

I tried several times to interview Hesselbein so that I could include her in my study of leadership sages. Finally it was explained to me that since she is over 90 years, she is extremely selective in how and with whom she spends her time which I totally respect and understood. So having the chance to hear her live was an opportunity.

Since it is Women’s History Month, Hesselbein was the featured speaker on an international webinar. Women from all over the world were calling in to ask her questions. For me, it was fun to hear her voice which was hard to hear, but still powerful. She spoke with intention as if she were choosing each word purposefully. I could hear the wisdom in her words and I could sense that listeners were on the edge of their seats waiting for what she was going to share with us.

She talked about how the world has become less civil and this has destroyed our ability to converse with one another. In fact, she said this has become her focus for her current work. I was amazed that even at her age, she has the courage, energy, and determination to tackle this issue. Hesselbein said, “It is discouraging because we have the lowest level of trust and the highest level of cynicism in organizations today. Conversations have been negative and unacceptable.” She reminded us that Peter Drucker used to say that “good manners are the lubricating oil of effective organizations.”

“Leaders will fail if they focus on themselves. If we focus on the people we serve, it is not about me—it’s about them. That was Drucker’s philosophy.”

Hesselbein said that the leader of the future asks. The leader of the past tells.

Then she told us about her tattoos—invisible tattoos. Hesselbein explained how she imagines that she has two tattoos—one on each shoulder. One shoulder says:

Think first. Speak last.

And the other shoulder says: Ask—don’t tell.

She said these were constant reminders of what she needed to do as a leader. I found it interesting to listen to a sage over the age of 90 talk about tattoos! But I liked the image.

Then the facilitator asked Hesselbein for her closing comments. She spoke softly and slowly, but this is what she said:

"This is a call for action. We need to stay connected. We need to learn, to grow, and to serve. My motto is “to serve is to live.” While we need to acknowledge the darkness of our times, we need to be determined to be part of the bright future that we will help to define. We have so much to learn from each other. I call this circular learning. We need to love and to be grateful."

In my opinion, this is sage advice.

Now, what tattoos—related to leadership-- would you select for each shoulder?

I will share my two invisible tattoos if you share yours.

Posted by Jann Freed on March 18, 2011 in Leadership, Life Sages, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

Thanksgiving: To whom do you want to thank?

Cover via Amazon

At this time of year, I have a Thanksgiving assignment for my Organizational Behavior students. I give each of them a postcard that says: "I am grateful." Before Thanksgiving, they are to hand write a note to anyone they want. Then in their gratitude journals that they keep for class, they tell me to whom they wrote the note (not what they said) and how they felt in the process of writing the note.

When they get a response, then they are to share the response in their gratitude journals. And I complete the same assignment. I write a note to someone who is on my mind.

This year, I wrote a note to Dr. Yvonna Lincoln at Texas A & M. She endlessly supported my book Women of Yucatan which only took ten years of my life. Yvonna coached me through the data analysis and gave me names of people to contact at various publishers. She was always willing to listen and to give me advice on how to move forward. For these reasons, she is in my acknowledgements as one of the people who helped the book materialize. There are few people whom I have met who are as well read and knowledgeable about so many subjects. She is kind, generous, and wise. So I wanted to tell her once again how grateful I am to have her in my life. Yvonna is a role model for sure.

I also wrote a note to Drew McLellan, the branding expert, in Des Moines at the McLellan Marketing Group. Drew has helped me with my blog, with being a guest in my marketing course, and for being willing to answer questions related to branding. I believe Drew is brilliant at what he does, but so generous with his time and his money. In fact, his company annually gives away $100,000 of marketing services to a local not-for-profit. Many people and organizations have Drew to thank for helping them to grow and thrive. Drew understands the underlying premise of the book The Go-Giver. To him, I am grateful.

Every year I try to make a special effort to thank my mentor, Dr. Elmer Burack, professor emeritus of management from the University of Illinois-Chicago. I would not have any of my major publications without the support and coaching of Elmer. He is one of the wisest people I have ever met. I have tried to learn as much as I can from him so that I can model his behaviors to help others to grow. Because of his life experience, he has been able to guide me in positive directions. The list would be yards long of the ways Elmer has enriched my life.

While there are many other people for me to thank, taking the time to thank a few now and then whenever the spirit moves me is time well invested in maintaining important relationships. In this 24/7 society, I don't think we do enough of this.

Who are the people you might want to thank at this time?

Don't wait for Thanksgiving. Give thanks whenever the spirit moves you.

Posted by Jann Freed on November 25, 2010 in Leadership, Life Sages, Living Life, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (29) | TrackBack (0)

A Concert with George Winston

Image via Wikipedia

If you are a baby boomer, you will appreciate this post. And if you are younger, then maybe I can introduce you to a musician who was fairly popular in the 1980s for his "new age" music. When we would have a dinner party or go to one at someone's house, George Winston's music would be playing in the background because it is quite, soothing, and peaceful music. His album "December" is one of my favorites.

Recently, we went to his concert. In the 80s, George Winston would play at a sold-out Civic Center which holds around 2,200 and this night he was playing to a half-full Hoyt Sherman auditorium which probably holds around 1,000 when full. But it was still a special night. There is no pretension about George. He still comes out on stage in his socks. He must play the piano better without shoes, but we remembered this from decades ago.

If you want to get a taste of George and his music, this clip is a classic:

What struck me is how George has moved from success to significance. Even though he is not out to impress anyone with anything except his music, he is such a kind spirit. He invited a local service organization to the venue which was the Des Moines Food Pantry. We were asked to bring some food items to donate to the organization who then get emergency food to people in need. Also, a portion of the proceeds from the CD sales benefited this group as well.

I also noticed that George's new music is a reflection of social causes. His future releases are called Gulf Coast Blues and Impressions--A Gulf Relief Benefit. In fact, he has done a series of CDs based on the Gulf Coast disaster. It was clear from the program that George Winston is focused on using his talents to make a difference. Even for those people who have not heard of him, he continues to create music for causes and this will become part of his legacy.

The title of one of his new songs: New Orleans Shall Rise Again.

We need to be hopeful, helpful, and grateful.

Posted by Jann Freed on October 11, 2010 in Life Sages, Living Life, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Learning about Life through "The Big C"

Laura Linney via last.fm

Since I am a fan of Laura Linney, I was interested in knowing that she is in a new television series this fall called "The Big C" on Showtime cable network. She plays a 42 year old teach, mother, and wife in suburban Minneapolis who has advanced, incurable cancer. The review I read said that she decides against treatment which would not help her much anyway. So the series takes viewers through the stages as she deals with the disease.

Linney said in an interview that she was intrigued with the series because of the questions it raises. "The undertow of it deals with all of the stuff I've been obsessing about anyway: time. Living. Aging. Mostly, the privilege of aging."

It seems that the key to living is to learn to live with dying. Since we are all getting older with each and every day, it is important to understand that living and dying are so intertwined. We don't have one without the other and one reminds us of the other.

Linney continued to talk about her mystification and frustration with so many people's rebellion against aging. She admitted that "sagging skin, waning energy, and creaking joints aren't fun," but the early deaths of so many dear friends had opened her eyes to the fact that growing old is the greatest of blessings. "A lot of people don't get that privilege and there's an extreme disrespect toward that that's cuckoo."

That is why I am on a mission to help people realize that the rest of our lives might be the best of our lives. If we don't think so, then what is the reason to get out of bed in the morning? Sage-ing is all about growing in wisdom that comes from learning from our life experiences.

When I type the word sage-ing, the spell check catches the "error" and always wants me to replace it with "sagging." I laugh because I know sagging comes with aging and I can see it on myself. But I always remember the quote I read years ago that said (and I paraphrase): I don't mind some wrinkles on my face. It is a sign that I showed some expression in my life. I like to think I showed some expression along the way.

Posted by Jann Freed on August 09, 2010 in Life Renewal, Life Sages, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

The Value of Life Experience

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Yesterday, I was talking with a friend about how we don't value life experience in our culture. Basically, we don't respect our elders. She continued to tell me how she is interested in writing a book on raising children because she had such a wonderful relationship with her parents. She thought that her home life was the norm, but she has since discovered that she had a rare and very good up bringing.

She used an example from her teen years to illustrate. When she was 15, she remembers asking her mother: What would you do in this situation Mom? I have never been 15 before I know that you are past 15. Tell me what you think based on what you know? I would say my friend was wise beyond her years. She understands sage-ing.

This is a great example of the value of life experience. When we have experiences that others do not have, we have the advantage of learning and it would be nice if we had more opportunities to share what we have learned.

But it seems as if people don't ask and our families and organizations are providing fewer opportunities to share. I have advocated building mentoring into your system so that it happens either on a formal or informal basis. In fact, organizations are giving incentives for people with experience and wisdom to leave early! Does this make sense? What are the organizations losing? The people leaving are losing a significant part of their identity.

What if we created more spaces and places for people to share their wisdom?

What if people who retired were invited back to share their perspectives on things.

What if we took time to listen to family stories?

Posted by Jann Freed on July 23, 2010 in Life Sages, Living Life, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

More on Happiness

Happiness is a big theme these days--both in and out of the workplace. And there are some themes that we might know intuitively, but we tend to forget or overlook in daily living. While we know that money does not necessarily bring happiness, it is easy to get caught up chasing the dollars. A recent article on happiness pointed to research that indicates the U.S. may be the richest nation, but not the happiest!

The Gallop World Poll discovered there are two major categories of happiness: overall life satisfaction; and most moment-to-moment enjoyment of life. The conclusion was that overall satisfaction of life is strongly connected to income, but how much a person enjoys life (laughing and smiling) depends more on social and psychological needs being met. This includes having social support and using one's abilities and talents rather than working in "mind-numbing jobs."

This is another study that reinforces that the "fluff is the stuff." The soft skills that often get trivialized, downplayed, or overlooked in organizations are what contributes to happiness. A major conclusion was that positive feelings were more tied to feeling respected, having autonomy and social support at work, and working at a fulfilling job. The quality of social relationships is key to happiness.

Economists point out that money increases happiness at the low end of the pay scale as it helps people meet their basic needs, but it doesn't add that much once people are out of poverty. Money provides a buffer against the insecurities involved in life. But with a steady level of security, money does not buy happiness.

This study is in total agreement with the PBS special called This Emotional Life. The message is clear. People and relationships are important.

How would you answer these questions: