Jann's Blog: Living Life

Why Purpose is So Important

Whitney Houston (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

I write a lot about the value of purpose for baby boomers and why it is so important--especially as we "retire"--move on--or think about it. Without a title, platform, identity associated with a position, people often feel lost and lonely. They often don't have a reason to get up in the morning. As I said in a previous blog, baby boomers need to be concerned about purpose because the statistical trend is not positive. The rate of divorce, suicide, and substance abuse are on the rise for boomers and the rate is higher than the normal rate which is too high!

But I can't stop thinking about the loss of Whitney Houston. It was common knowledge that she struggled with drug abuse, but you never want to see it end such as this.

In our society, it is so easy to idolize celebrities because of their beauty, wealth, or talent. We think they have life made in the shade because of how they might be able to buy whatever they need when they need it. Even if that includes people to hire to make their life easy.

If this is the case, then why do so many celebrities seem to have no purpose? Why is substance abuse so common among people who seem to have it all? Eckhart Tolle, author of the books The Power of Now and A New Earth calls this "numbing." Anything we do that numbs us (i.e drinking, drugs, overeating, undereating, watching too much television, video games, gambling) takes us away from our present state is not a good thing.

Houston is just another casualty and there have been too many recently: Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Amy Winehouse, ...

While there are no conclusive answers, I have many questions:

Not enough of a purpose?
Feel as if there is not meaning to life?
Too much time on their hands?
Too many people enabling their worst habits?
Too high of expectations for the person to live up to?
Loss of a talent so they are not what they used to be?
Aging in a society that expects you not to age?
Living in the spotlight and can't escape?
A combination of some or all of these factors?

I think this reinforces the power of purpose and being grounded. We need to be who we are and grateful for where we are this very moment.

Instead of thinking that 60 is the new 40 and 50 is the new 30, what is wrong with being a happy and healthy 50 or 60?

Lots of younger people clearly are not happy or healthy.

This makes me sad. Meaning matters.

Any insights? Thanks

Posted by Jann Freed on February 13, 2012 in Living Life, Positively Aging | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Why Wisdom-keepers are Important for Leading and Living

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I have been writing about the knowledge that is lost when people with work experience walk out the door--either voluntarily or involuntarily (early incentives to "retire" early). And people just let them walk!

We talk about how people don't seem to respect their elders as much as in the past. While there are some areas where we are not as wise--often in the areas of technology, both work and life experience have taught us so much. To this day, I am always seeking the wisdom of people who are usually much older than I.

When I first started teaching, I would seek the advice and counsel of faculty members who had the experience I was lacking. Even throughout my career, I would ask people I respected for their opinions on how to handle challenging situations either with students or colleagues. In fact, so many of my wisdom-keepers (sages) had either died or retired so it felt like my time to move on. But I still attend a conference where I look for sessions presented by people from whom I respect and admire. Just being in the same room with them I know I am going to learn something from them, something about myself, or the subject matter that I can apply in other situations. I am going to learn from the others in the room who ask questions and provide insights.

Last year, I was conducting a leadership workshop with women CPAs at a major accounting firm. As I was talking about seeking role models and mentors about life and work, one woman shared a story that I have always remembered and I paraphrase:

"My grandmother was a sage. She seemed to just know what to do in every situation. So I asked her, 'Where did you learn how to do the right thing? Who taught you to be so wise?' And she told me how about every 10 years, she would find someone who was living life in ways that she admired and she watched them and modeled her behaviors after them. So she always had a role model whether that person knew it or not."

I have always remembered that story because I think it is such as positive way to live life in the workplace and outside of work.

Recently, I was reminded of this story as I read in interview with Taylor Swift. While I probably could not recognize her music, I was impressed with her interview segment on 60 Minutes . She is one smart and wise young woman who is clear on her values and appears to be very grounded.

In the magazine article, Taylor was asked whose career she would most like to emulate and she identified wisdom keepers---people in the baby boomer generation rather than her peers. Taylor talked about how she spent time with Ethel Kennedy and said that the only time she has been start struck was when she met Caroline and Ethel Kennedy.

Taylor finds many of the people her age so affected by their fame, "where ambition has taken precedence over happiness. "But when I meet people who really embody this serenity of knowing that they have had an amazing life--James Taylor, Kris Kristofferson, and Ethel Kennedy ..."

Do you have wisdom-keepers in your life?

If not, can you identify some?

How would you benefit from finding role models? or of

To whom are you or could you be a role model?

Posted by Jann Freed on February 06, 2012 in Leadership, Living Life, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Five Principles to Remember for a Quality Life

Cover of Thich Nhat Hanh

I came across these "five remembrances" from Thich Nhat Hanh in the book The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation. They are embedded in Buddhist teaching, but important for all of us to remember regardless of religious preferences and practices.

1. We all grow old.

2. We all are prone to getting ill health.

3. We will all die.

4. Everything and everyone we cherish is prone to change.

5. The only thing we own are our actions.

These concepts are consistent with what I teach in leadership. They sound so simple, but yet they are so profound in how we think about life which influences how we live our life. If these are true principles, what might you want to do differently?

These remembrances remind me to:

Make the most of every minute
Accept that this is the only time I have
Not regret the past and not worry about the future
Be grateful for what I have
Look at the bright side by putting things in perspective
Remember that people are not perfect--especially me
Tell people how much they mean to me--either through notes or in person and this takes time, but is worth it
Reflect on these remembrances ...

What do these five remembrances remind you to do?

Posted by Jann Freed on February 02, 2012 in Life Renewal, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

The Power of Perspective for Leading and Living

Image via Wikipedia

After Victoria Azarenka won the 2012 Australian Open, she paid special credit to her grandmother, “the person who inspires me the most in my life.” I guess the story behind the story is Victoria (Vika) turned tennis pro at 14 and it has not been an easy ride. She had a typical teenage attitude and was complaining to her grandmother about how hard this journey was to be a pro. Her grandmother gave her some tough love. She told her how she had been working three jobs and scrubbing floors just to survive in the old country. She told Vika that she was now an American kid, seeking "fame and glory, bucks and trophies. Shape up and get with it." In other words, if you want the glory then this is the price to be paid. And the rest is history. Putting life in perspective is a good thing to remember.

One quote I like it:

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

There are so many times in life when if we just put things in perspective, life is better and we can see more clearly.

There is a story that I often share in leadership classes and workshops from the book A Shot Guide to a Happy Life by Anna Quindlen. This is the story:

"I found one of my best teachers on the boardwalk at Coney Island many years ago. It was December, and I was doing a story about how the homeless suffer in the winter months. He and I sat on the edge of the wooden supports, dangling our feet over the side, and he told me about his schedule, panhandling the boulevard when the summer crowds were gone, sleeping in a church when the temperature went below freezing, hiding from the police amid the Tilt-A-Whirl and the Cyclone and some of the other seasonal rides.

But he told me that most of the time he stayed on the boardwalk, facing the water, just the way we were sitting now, even when it got cold and he had to wear his newspapers after he read them. And I asked him why. Why didn't he go to one of the shelters? Why didn't he check himself into the hospital for detox?

And he stared out at the ocean and said, 'Look at the view young lady. Look at the view.'

And every day, in some little way, I try to do what he said. I try to look at the view. That's all. Words of wisdom from a man with not a dime in his pocket, no place to go, nowhere to be. Look at the view. When I do what he said, I am never disappointed."

Interestingly, I had a similar experience in 2004 when we were in Hawaii.

There were street vendors lining the beach and I wanted to buy a woven basket made out of palm leaves. The man did not have one exactly as I wanted, but he said he would make it and I was to come back later. I asked him when he would be there because we were going here and we had to be there. And then we had a reservation here and an appointment there and ...

He proceeded to tell me that I needed to slow down. He wanted to know could I be so busy while on vacation. How come I was not relaxing? How could I have so much to do?

Then he told me how he lived on ocean front property and often just looked out at the ocean. He said the ocean had such a calming influence on him and that I should just sit and watch the waves. It was only when he pointed to the ocean and said, "That is my front yard--right there!" that I realized he was homeless. He lived right there on the beach--under the tent that he was using to protect him from the sun.

So when things start to bother me, I try to remember to "look at the view." Look at the view.

Why is it so hard to remember to look at the view?

Why is it so challenging to put things in perspective?

If we can only remember, "this too, shall pass."

Posted by Jann Freed on January 30, 2012 in Leadership, Living Life | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Navigating Life's Transitions is Important

Image via Wikipedia

Navigating life's transitions is so important and even more important than I thought. Last week I shared these thoughts at the local chapter meeting of the Association for Women in Communications. While there were a few people there who read my blog (thank you), I thought I would highlight the main points for other readers:

So much emphasis in "retirement planning" is placed on MONEY. Yes, we have to have enough to get us through, but once we have ENOUGH, there is so much more to life!
Since there are four generations in the workforce, it is important to understand life transitions in order to relate with and influence a variety of age groups.
The older I get, the more I realize life is a series of transitions.
We are living in uncharted territory with no life map. The baby boomer generation has a different vision of aging than our parents. But too much emphasis placed on external aging—look younger, botox, plastic surgery of all kinds.
Most of our life is scripted for us--get married, have children. Elementary, middle school, high school, college. What should life scripts look like when most people spend as many years after a long career as they spent in a career?
I am on a mission to RETIRE the word RETIREMENT. We are not retiring, but we are moving on. This phase of life is being called: Third Act, Second Half, Mid-life transition, encore phase or encore career.
After 30 years of teaching at Central College in Pella, I “moved on” so that I can create a life and business in the Des Moines area. I am getting involved in activities that were impossible to me when I worked out of town. But figuring out what you want to do in this next 30 years, is not about having money or being smart. It is about intentional, conscious, decision making and planning. While life does not always go as planned, it helps one not drift through life.

Why is all of this important?

When is mid-life? The average life expectancy in the US is about 80 so 40. So mid-life is sooner than you think.

People go through life changes—mid life crises usually in their 50s. Empty nests, divorces, people losing jobs in this economy or given incentives to “retire” early, spouses die (we have lost three male friends all in their 50s in the last five years). Death reminds us that life does not last forever. Are we spending our time in ways that matter?
Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People and When All You’ve Ever Wanted is Not Enough, said that mid-life is when people change their focus from looking ahead and asking how high can I climb on the ladder to looking behind and asking what difference am I making with my life?
With transition often comes loss of identity—married now single, parent now empty nester, employed now unemployed or self employed.
Between 1992 and 2008 substance abuse treatment admissions for those 50 and older more than doubled in the US. That number is expected to grow.
Older adults accounted for about one of every eight seeking help for substance abuse in 2008. While the 50 plus populations grew by 21% those seeking treatment in 50 plus increased by 70%. Treatment professionals believe the actual number of older people with substance abuses is many times larger than those seeking help. We have had two friends go through treatment programs this past year.
Family law experts who examine divorce trends at the National Center for Family & Marriage Research state that married partners over 50 divorce at a much higher rate than do married couples generally. Over the past 20 years, they say, the divorce rate for 50-plus couples has approximately doubled, whereas it has actually decreased slightly for America's married population overall.
Depression. Lost. Despair. Suicide rates among middle aged people are going up. Using data from the National Center for Health Statistics and the U.S. Census Bureau, Idler and her colleagues tracked suicide rates between 1979 and 2005. By 2000, most people ages 40 to 59 were Baby Boomers and the suicide rate started climbing steadily for these middle-age ranges. The researchers found significant increases of more than 2 percent per year for men, and more than 3 percent per year for women, from 1999 to 2005. (By 2005, all those in the middle-age group were baby boomers, defined as those born between 1945 and 1964.)

Thoughts on transitioning

Have a plan. Similar to when we were planning out daycare. Always have to think ahead. Once I got daycare figured out, where would they go to school and what do to about after school. You can’t start thinking college as a senior in high school. But so many people do not plan for the next phase. My parents: Time to move to a place that offers assisted living. Can’t wait too long. Have to be able to walk in. And if you wait too long, who cares where you go or what services are offered?
Have as much control in the next phase as possible. Script it out. Network. How to use your creativity. Some professions naturally allow people to stay engaged and involved—artists can continue to do their work. When you are self-employed, no one is going to tell you to stop doing what you are doing. I know a lawyer who took early retirement from the state of Iowa so that she can be a full-time self-employed potter. Professors can read, write, and teach. Peter Drucker the Father of Modern Management was still writing and speaking until he died at age 94. But corporations and governments are cutting costs and people who are vulnerable are people more towards the top who are making more money.
Metaphor: Imagine yourself in a jungle swinging on vines. It is easier to let go of one vine when you see another vine within reach. Where is that next vine for you? Can you find it now while you are still employed? Actually I understand why people have affairs because most people do not want to be alone!
Marc Freedman is the author of Encore and The Big Shift: Navigating the New Stage Beyond Mid-Life. Jane Pauley has a segment on the Today Show called My Life Calling. She also writes a column for AARP magazine on how people have discovered their calling or encore career. Even the popular book in its 40^th anniversary What Color is your Parachute has a new section at the end titled: Finding Your Mission in Life. We are stronger, healthier, and smarter and living an average of 30 years longer. What are we going to do with this time?
Bottom-line: Think about your skills and talents and ask yourself how you want to be using them. How do you want to spend your time? What would give you meaning? Pleasure? Joy? How would you know your life mattered?

Posted by Jann Freed on January 23, 2012 in Leadership, Life Renewal, Living Life, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

As a Person and as a Leader: What word best describes you?

Cover via Amazon

One of my hobbies is to read about interview questions or what people like to ask in interviews. I was always trying to best prepare students for the job search. Now I like to read about questions asked of people at executive level positions because one of my goals is to coach people on how best to discover an encore career or to help people transition into the next phase of life.

Since I say that the most important person to lead is yourself, knowing yourself inside and out--strengths and weaknesses--and now understanding life's transitions is critical for leading oneself in the second half of life.

So when is the second half of life? If the average life expectancy in the U.S. is about 78 years of life experience, then the second half comes earlier than we think! And the time to prepare for it is now. In fact, Dan Buettner in his book The Blue Zones has identified nine characteristics he calls Power 9 to help us understand the keys to longevity.

John Donovan, the chief technology officer at AT & T, asks:

"If your professional colleagues were going to put three words on your tombstone--I mean literally three--what would those three words be?" And then he asks a follow-up question: "Instead of three, what's the one word?"

When Donovan was asked what his three words were, he said that when he was younger, he wanted the words: smart, leadership, and inspirational. Now that he is older or has more life experience, he would like the word "wise" and he said he doesn't feel that he has accomplished that yet.

As I thought about these questions, my immediate answer was: persistent, creative, and authentic. If I had to condense to just one word, then I would say "persistent." Most of the accomplishments in my life I can trace back to my persistence. Many people would have given up and I just kept on--hoping that whatever it was would pay off.

But ultimately, I would like to have the word "Sage" on my tombstone. But I am not there either. Becoming a sage is a journey. I hope I get to live long enough to continue on this path. Wisdom is not a given. It comes from processing the highs and lows of life experience.

What would be your three words?

Your one word?

This exercise reminded me of the blog post I wrote about "What is your sentence?" If you had to summarize your purpose in one sentence, what would that be?

Posted by Jann Freed on January 09, 2012 in Leadership, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Coach Schipper was a Sage

Image via Wikipedia

As the beloved football coach at Central College for 36 years, Coach Ron Schipper died unexpectedly from a heart attack on March 26,2006. He was a leader and a sage.

I wrote an article about Coach Schipper when he retired. In order to do so, I interviewed and surveyed about 100 former players, coaches, and friends. This was before the use of email survey and correspondence, yet their response was overwhelming. The stories of life lessons they learned from Coach Schipper were inspiring.

It struck me that Coach Schipper instinctively practiced the kind of leadership that most of the Sages in my study advocate—servant leadership. He consistently led by example and his focus was on serving others. Coach Schipper made popular the phrase student-athlete because he was well aware that while at college coaches and professors were preparing people to be fine citizens and outstanding people. While it may sound easy, it is hard to practice and rare for most people. It takes courage to serve by caring about how people feel in the workplace. Leaders need to remove obstacles for people and not be the obstacle. This may sound as if it is common sense, but common sense is not so common.

When I was asked to speak at Coach Schipper’s memorial service which was attended by hundreds of former football players, coaches, and friends, I shared the following remarks:

Since Coach Schipper was a sage, you will understand when I say those of us who knew him, worked with him, respected him, and loved him all feel as if someone and something is missing from our lives. I think the key distinction of becoming a sage is to be interested instead of interesting. When you review the hundreds of stories shared on the dedication blog, the stories indicate that Coach Schipper was interested in:

Providing wise, prudent leadership
Offering his experiences and wisdom for the welfare of society
Expressing his hope in the future by the contributions he made for the generations that come after him

There are numerous stories that reflect that he was also interested in:

Giving generously with encouragement
Mentoring younger people who were drawn to his wisdom
Modeling a life that found validation, self-worth, and meaning from within, and
Making the College a better place.

As we all know, Coach Schipper was so much more than a coach. He was a sage.

For years to come, thousands of people will tell stories that reflect how Coach Schipper embodied these characteristics. As Coach Rick Coles of Lawrence University in Wisconsin said at the time of Schipper’s retirement, “Some have called him the Joe Paterno or Tom Osborne of Division III. I disagree. Joe Paterno and Tom Osborne are the Ron Schippers of Division I.”

****NOTE****

Now I have an addition to make to the above comments. I wrote this post last year. Based on recent events, I am sad to say I feel I need to eliminate Joe Paterno as a person with whom to compare Coach Schipper.

While none of us are perfect, the Coach Paterno situation reminds us how fast a legacy can be destroyed after years of supposedly living a life focused on integrity, trust, and character.

Posted by Jann Freed on January 02, 2012 in Leadership, Life Sages, Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Happy Holidays

Image via Wikipedia

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who read my blog, write comments when the spirit moves you, and recommend my blog to people who might be interested. This is a journey and I am learning along the way and trying to share what I am learning with you.

At this holiday time, I am going to share one of my favorite holiday songs with you. If you were a reader last year, you probably remember the song I shared. But if you are new, then this might be new to you. This is from John Denver and Muppets.

As a Kermit fan, I can't wait to see the new Muppet movie. In fact, I will be sharing an interview I came across with Kermit--after I see the movie. Happy holidays. The best to all of us in 2012.

Thanks again for being a reader. I am grateful.

Posted by Jann Freed on December 25, 2011 in Living Life, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

The Way on Leading and Living

The Way (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

Recently I saw the movie The Way and I could not stop thinking about it. And the line that stuck with me is this: "You don't choose a life Dad ... you live one."

In fact, my husband and I saw it together and then we each went to see it separately again because of how much we thought the movie made us think about how we are leading and living our lives.

"The Way" is a powerful and inspirational story about family, friends, and the challenges we face while navigating this ever changing and complicated world. Martin Sheen plays Tom, an irascible American doctor who comes to St. Jean Pied de Port, France to collect the remains of his adult son (played by Emilio Estevez), killed in the Pyrenees in a storm while walking The Camino de Santiago, also known as The Way of Saint James.

Rather than return home, Tom decides embark on the historical pilgrimage to honor his son's desire to finish the journey. What Tom doesn't plan on, is the profound impact the journey will have on him. While he thinks he is on "the way" by himself as a personal quest, he meets interesting characters along the way that also influence his thinking and his life. I grew attached to these characters as each of them was on pilgrimage for some kind of healing or closure.

I thought of the book by Rabbi Harold Kushner When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough where he talks about there is a time in our lives when we change from focusing from looking ahead to how high we are climbing the corporate ladder to looking behind to determine if our lives are making a difference--which is legacy work.

During the movie, I also thought of our three boys who are each on their own life journey now. They are living their lives and the movie reminded me to "let go" and let them live it. While sometimes they make choices I would not make, we gave them wings and now I have to let them fly. And when Martin Sheen starts the journey that his son did not get to complete, you can see that he has decided to live his life differently. The son had a lasting impact on him and the friends he makes on the journey challenge his thinking also.

In an interview, Estevez said the movie is about “pro people, pro life — not anti — anything.” He also called it a celebration of life. Martin Sheen described the film as one that exposes the brokenness of humanity, but also the connectedness we have with each other and with God, even if we don’t recognize it.

"The Way", written and directed by Emilio Estevez, was filmed entirely in Spain and France along the actual Camino de Santiago. Interestingly, besides its spiritual and scenic aspects, the movie passes through Galicia, birthplace of Sheen's father, Francisco, to whom the film is dedicated.

For me, making my trips to the monastery for silent retreats is part of walking "the way" for me. This is my time for reflection, question, and renewal.

What is your example of a quest? Why would you "walk the way?"

Posted by Jann Freed on December 19, 2011 in Living Life, Positively Aging, Sage-ing | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Lyle was a Sage

Cover via Amazon

This is the start of my series on sage-ing. I know I said I would have a post on Fridays. While I will try to make this happen, it might be easier to think of a weekly post as Fridays sneak up on me quickly. Since I will be highlighting various aspects of sage-ing in these examples, I will briefly review the concepts at the beginning of each post.

The essence of sage-ing can be summarized in five main points:

1. Exploring images of aging: Age does not define sages and they don't fight to look younger. They are proud of their life experience.

2. Engaging in life review: Sages know that wisdom comes from reflecting and learning from life experience.

3. Repairing and healing relationships: Healthy relationships sustain us and support us through our journey.

4. Embracing our own mortality: As Morrie says in the book Tuesdays with Morrie, "When you learn how to die, you learn how to live." Since death is inevitable, we need to embrace death in order to live life.

5. Leaving a legacy for future generations: When we are intentional about the life we are living, then we care about how we live our life. We want to pass on wisdom and leave the world a better place.

Lyle was a Sage

Lyle lived to be 93 and at his funeral there were about 300 people. Most people of this age have outlived most of their friends and this was probably true of Lyle also. But he was good at making new friends. He understood that cultivating intergenerational relationships kept a person young and always learning. Through mentoring people of various ages, Lyle was passing on his wisdom and he felt valued.

Since Lyle mentored both my husband and myself, I can speak from experience how much we depended on Lyle for advice and coaching on so many subjects. While I don't think Lyle ever made a lot of money, he saved, invested wisely, and accumulated wealth so that he was sought after for many causes. He taught us the value of "giving until it hurts" because of the rewards received in return.

I often use Lyle as an example in my sage-ing workshops because he was on the sage-ing journey without even knowing it. At his funeral, four people spoke and each was from a different generation. He reached out to people of all ages and in return, we all reached out to him because we needed his wisdom. As the pastor said at Lyle's funeral, "Without Lyle, the world is a little less kind, less smart, less rich, less wise."

Who do you know that sounds like Lyle? Please share your stories. Weekly, I will be sharing more of mine.