Aging Vs. Being Old

Several years ago, I met Carol Orsborn at the Sage-ing International Conference. I was immediately struck by her seeker’s heart and life spirit. The author of 30 books for and about the boomer generation, she has been studying the progression of life stages since receiving her Ph.D. in adult development 20 years ago from Vanderbilt University. Her latest book is “The Making of an Old Soul: Aging as the Fulfillment of Life’s Promise.” 

When I interviewed Orsborn, I found the origins of the book fascinating. She attributes the book to a mystical experience she had two months into COVID, when she was taking a walk in a cemetery near her home in Nashville, Tennessee. She was the only person at the cemetery, and it was the first day in months she felt comfortable walking outside without a mask. She was thinking of the issues of limitation and mortality in her own life, and in the world, that were beyond her control. A reckoning followed. 

After processing her experience, Orsborn concluded there is a difference between aging and being old. Aging is about the struggle, the focus on self-improvement and self-identification. It is about coming to terms with changes and losses over time. But being old is about being beyond the struggle and into peace. It is about becoming a sage or old soul. 

While most models place the peak of the life cycle at or before midlife, Orsborn believes that when viewed through a spiritual lens, aging represents the fulfillment of life’s promise. 

After writing the book, Orsborn had even more clarity: “I realized the point of life is being old, and aging is the journey to get there. Yet we often fight the aging process. The things in life that pass away when we die, they start to fall away anyway and there are natural losses. But for every loss, there is an equal and compelling compensation that brings us face to face with what matters most—what has always mattered most. But we are usually too busy to know it.” 

She also understood that there’s a difference between feeling bad and feeling bad about yourself. “It takes a lifetime of self-awareness and self-forgiveness to make peace with the fact that we are imperfect beings,” she said. “Many of us have been searching all of our lives for meaning and purpose. … Then we find what we’ve been looking for at unexpected times and places. We are no longer just old. We become old souls.” 

It did not surprise me to learn that Orsborn and her husband foster senior dogs to give them a happy end to their lives. When COVID hit, the Orsborns had three older dogs. They lost all three over the course of the year. “It is tough,” she said, “but they teach you so much. Grieving is love, and love is grieving. We’re taking the time to grieve before we get going again.” 

What Orsborn didn’t understand before her experience in the cemetery is that old souls are no longer struggling with reality. They are grateful for all of it—the light, the shadow, the wonderful surprises and the unexpected disappointments. True sages are old souls who have embraced who they are and what matters most.

Please check out the full article in DSM Magazine