Jann's Blog

What is a memory?

Recently I had the chance to hear Diane Keaton in person and her comments reflected several aspects of sage-ing.  She talked about things such as:

• Perfection was the death of creativity.
• Change was the cornerstone of new ideas.

Keaton said she was not going to let age be an act of submission, but that she was on a mission to validate the advantages of grower older with grace and in wisdom.  She felt that was one reason why the movie "Something's Gotta Give" resonated with so many people particularly baby boomers.

Throughout her presentation, Keaton shared video clips she had taken to document moments with her mother and of the children she adopted later in life.  But my favorite line was her comment about memories:

"A memory is when your heart takes a picture."

As a hobbyist photographer, I loved that line and hope to remember it.

Jann's Note:  Creating lasting memories is an important aspect of sage-ing.  With every new day, we have a chance to create more memories.  Even after people die, they continue to live through our memories.  I found that thought simple, but profound. 

Examples of Embracing Mortality

One of the main components of sage-ing is embracing one's mortality.  There are many ways to do this and the focus is always on becoming more comfortable with our own death and with the death of others.

A story with which many of us are familiar is the last lecture by former Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch.  He delivered a lecture as part of their last lecture series that literally was a "last lecture."  This lecture was made into a popular selling book. 

I was moved recently by another example of embracing mortality.  A few weeks ago I was at one of my annual conferences and noticed the absence of a prominent member of the organization.  Before I had a chance to ask about "her," the leadership announced that in the spring she discovered she had pancreatic cancer.  This was very sad news as they said it was in the late stages and she had little time left.

What "she" decided to do was start a blog on CaringBridge.org.  On the blog, she demonstrated so many sage-ing aspects.  In fact, she is a sage.  She showed creativity by sharing her favorite family recipes.  This was one way she was continuing to leave her legacy.  She also shared how she was feeling about life and about death.  There were photos on the site and reading the journal made me feel as if I were right there with her on the journey.

She was a gentle, generous, and kind person in life and she was demonstrating these same characteristics while dying.  Her husband posted her final message last Friday and asked us to wait for more news.  It was moving, but she embraced the fact that there was nothing more she could do about her condition other than to accept it and choose her closing thoughts and words. 

Are you a Go-Giver?

A few weeks ago, I picked up a book, The Go-Giver, that was highly recommended to me by a former student.  She said that I would love it.  Since I thought it was so thought provoking, I decided to blog about it. 

 

 

In some ways, it reminded me of the book and DVD--"The Secret" because the book is about learning "the secret" from a business sage.  This sage was devoted to spending his time teaching and mentoring others.  What is revealed in the book is that the more successful leaders are the more willing they are to share their secrets with others.    

 

It is a short story where the mentee goes weekly to learn "the secret" of success from the sage.  What we learn in the book is that "the secret" is in GIVING.  It is having a mind-set that the world is one of abundance (co-creation) rather than one of limitations (scarcity, competition, dog eat dog).

 

You get what you expect. 

What you focus on is what you get. 

Ultimately the world treats you more or less the way you expect to be treated.

 

We learn the Five laws of Stratospheric Success:

 

1.  Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.  Giving is a way of life.  We need to have a greater passion for what we are giving:  product, service, ideas, than for what weare receiving.

 

2. Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.  Everyone needs money so there are three universal reasons for working: to survive, save, and serve.  It is important to have network of people who know you, like you, and trust you—Your army of personal walking ambassadors who are personally invested in seeing you succeed and you in them. 

 

3. Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other peoples’ interests first.  Givers attract—they are magnetic.  Our life’s balance sheet includes friendships, marriage, and not just business. 

 

4. The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself—authenticity.  Have big dreams, be curious, believe in yourself—be open to receiving.

 

5. Receptivity—the key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

 

While none of this sounds difficult, I don’t think it is the norm. Why not?  How do you measure compared to this list?  Ask yourself:  Are you a go-giver or a taker?

 

Jann's Note:  Sages are go-givers. 

 

 

A Quote from Dustin Hoffman

One of the key components of becoming a sage is embracing one's mortality.  Learning how to embrace death frees us to live a fuller life.  Plus we think about how we are spending our time and the legacy we are leaving behind. 

 

Yet, research says that most people fear death.  Why is this?  Is it because we don't know what will happen?  We fear the unknown.  This is what Dustin Hoffman had to say about this subject:

 

"I guess making things fun is the only revenge you have against mortality.  Of course I think about mortality.  So many of my colleagues and friends have died that I'm forced to think about it.

What we would all like is to kind of choose when we're ready to go, and we'd not have any fear.  The best part about death is that it's not selective.  It's comforting to know that everyone dies.  Death is the pure democracy."

 

One of the Sages I interviewed recently said, "You know how they say there are only two things that we all have in common:  death and taxes.  Well, some people don't pay taxes!"

 

So I guess "death" is what we all have in common, yet we don't know when.  Make sure every moment counts.

Empathy is Good!

Empathy is getting a lot of attention these days with the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor as a new Supreme Court justice.  President Obama has long talked about "that quality of empathy ... as an essential ingredient for arriving at just decisions and outcomes." 

Others criticized President Obama for stressing soft skills and for making something that is often thought of as "fuzzy" a criterion for such a high office.  Yet, Daniel Goleman says that empathy is one of the essential components of emotional intelligence and emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as important as IQ or more so for leaders.  This is because EQ can be learned and improved where IQ is something with which one is born and remains relatively stable.

There definitely was an emotional response to the fact that Obama raised empathy up as an essential criterion.  According to an article by Ellen Goodman:

"Lady Justice not withstanding, tradition sees the law as hard, rational, and male, while empathy is soft, emotional, female, and generally weepy.  But let us remember that empathy is not sympathy.  It doesn't require that we take sides.  Nor is it an emotional shortcut that upends all legal reasoning to declare a winner. 

Empathy is rather the ability to imaginatively enter into the experience of others.  As Harvard law professor Carol Steiker says, 'We think of this as central to moral reasoning of any kind.'"

Jann's Note:  We want to be around people who are empathetic.  We are more likely to want to follow someone who has a strong sense of moral reasoning.  Empathy is a good thing--for leaders--for people. 

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The Sounds of Silence

During my weekend with Pema Chodran, she asked us from 9:00PM on Friday night to 5:00PM on Saturday to remain as silent as possible.  I had never been in silence with 550 people and even more people counting the Omega staff.  Of couse, you could ask a question or talk if needed, but the goal was to try to avoid talking.  Instead, focus on listening to what you are telling yourself and how you are feeling. 

While I have spent time annually the last several years at a monastery on a silent retreat, there are few people to talk to so the temptation is less.  Some people at Omega even wore small signs around their necks indicating that they were in silence.

What I discovered is that everyone was respectful of everyone's space and there was no sense of competition.  There was plenty of everything for everyone.  In fact, since I went to Omega alone, operating in silence took away any pressure of having to talk to people I did not know or to try to make "friends." 

The status symbols disappear.

No one really cares who you are, what you do, or what's your story. 

No one has more influence than anyone else. 

Since there are no titles, the sense of privilege does not exist because we were all privileged to be there.

When the voices were gone, everyone was just a person.  The focus was on who you think you are and what is going on in your own heart.  My observation was that most people felt comfortable in that silence and cherished the time away from the busyness of life.  We liked being disconnected in order to reconnect with what was important in our life.

As I continue to process the experience, I will share what I am learning.  Please let me know what you are thinking as you read these posts.  It was different, but really special. 

Being in the Presence of Pema Chodran

One of my goals this summer was to attend the Omega Institute in Rhinecliff, New York.  So I selected the weekend that worked best in my schedule which was a weekend with Pema Chodran teaching us about Tonglen Meditation.  The workshop on compassion and loving kindness.  What I did not realize before I got there was that to the 550 participants (and the 200 who could not get into the workshop) Pema Chodran was a high spiritual being.  I went off on this adventure by myself and I realized I was lucky to have been there!

In a way, I felt as if I were at a Grateful Dead concert.  Even though I have not been to one, the stories of "dead heads" who follow the band around are well known.  They camp out and follow them on their tours from city to city.  This event had a similar feel in the sense that the workshop coordinator reminded people to not camp and stake out territory, but to remove all belongings after each session so that others might be able to move closer to the front of the hall.

Each time when Pema entered the room, there was complete silence and everyone stood until she sat down.  Then we all sat down.  This was a spiritual event where everyone was respectful.  The dynamics were so different from any professional workshop or conference I have attended in the past.  In fact, for almost three days, I only heard one cell phone ring and only saw a handful of people on their phones in private places.

It was an experience that I am still processing and I will continue to share my insights.  It was a sacred weekend where I learned a lot about myself. 

Dysfunctional Reward Systems

Question:  What do Enron, Merrill Lynch, Countrywide, AIG, General Motors, and Chrysler have in common? Answer:  The CEOS each received huge compensation packages as they led their respective companies to their demise.  How do we explain the disastrous decisions that caused these iconic companies to collapse while being led by experienced, well educated people who had been entrusted by their shareholders and directors with the well being of these companies? 

 

The best place to start is with the reward system.  Since behaviors that are rewarded tend to be repeated, it is essential to examine the behaviors being rewarded that ultimately are embedded into the organizational culture.  An Academy of Management Classic , “On the folly of rewarding A, while hoping for B” by Steven Kerr was published more than twenty years ago and it is more relevant than ever today:

 

We hope for …                                         But we reward …

* Teamwork and collaboration                      The best team members (MVPs)

* Innovative thinking and risk taking              Proven methods and not making mistakes

* Development of people skills                     Technical achievements and accomplishments

* Employee empowerment                                     Tight control over operations and resources

 

A more recent article, “Be Careful What You Reward—You Might Get it” in the journal Leader to Leaderby Bob Nelson and Dean Spitzer,  reinforced how leaders are still recognizing and rewarding the wrong things.  Leaders want high-performance, but they tend to reward seniority.  Leaders want high profits, but they reward any sales revenue, even when it might reduce long term profits.  Leaders want employees to be problem solvers, but encourage problem hiding.  Leaders want outstanding customer service, but they cut customer service budgets to save costs.

 

Even in higher education, we expect outstanding teaching.  But unless it is a teaching institution such as Central College, research tends to be rewarded.   In healthcare, we want wellness, but the reward system is based on profits which means many people are often denied treatment or medicine.  This carries over into the workplace.  Some organizations have a limited number of “sick days.”  Why don’t we allow “well days” for those people who do not miss work because of illness?

 

The pressure to deliver short term profits and financial rewards clouded their vision to the point that these CEOS could not see or ignored the peril to the very survival of their institutions.  Kerr maintains that reward systems continue to be dysfunctional for three main reasons:

 

* Our inability to break out of our old ways of thinking about reward and recognition practices.

* Our lack of a holistic perspective of performance factors and outcomes.

* Our focus on short-term results by management and shareholders.

 

As the saying goes, “You get what you reward.” So the question should be, “What behaviors do we want?”  By asking this question, leaders can make sure that beneficial behaviors are rewarded and eliminate or penalize behaviors that can threaten an organization’s survival. 

 

This is the bottom line:  If we want ethical behavior, we need to recognize and reward it.  If we want high performance, distinguish between long term success and short term profits.   If we want creativity, reward creative ideas and solutions.  Now more than ever, we need innovation and long term growth.   

 

Look at how people are behaving.  Then you will know what is being recognized and rewarded. 

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My Weekend at the Omega Institute

A highlight for this summer was my weekend at the Omega Institute in Rhinecliff, New York.  This is a center for holistic wellness and personal growth.  Their tag line is:  Awakening the best in the human spirit.  I selected a weekend with Pema Chodran, Buddhist nun, who taught us more about the value of meditation and "taming the mind."  I will be blogging more about my experience with Pema as I share my insights and observations.

But getting to Omega was not easy.  I was reminded of the movie "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" because I flew direct to NYC.  Then had to take a shuttle bus to a place to change to a van which then took me to the train station.  Upon arriving in Rhinecliff, there was a shuttle van to take me and others to Omega. It was a full day of travel, but worth it.

Omega is an old summer camp that has been converted into this holistic center where the food is mostly grown on the grounds and the menu is the best vegetarian food I have ever eaten.  In fact, I wrote down several recipes for later.  It is an organized system that incorporates yoga if desired and the camp is surrounded by walking trails for hiking. 

In every way they live their mission:  Through innovative educational experiences that awaken the best in the human spirit, Omega provides hope and healing for individuals and society.

And their values were clearly apparent:

• Accountability
• Holism
• Integrity
• Service
• Simplicity
• Sustainability
• Teamwork and
• Welcoming

It was a wonderful weekend.  I am still processing the experience after which I will be sharing more.  Stay tuned.

All we are ... we are

With everything I read, hear, and watch, I am looking for aspects of leading and sage-ing or of becoming one's best person.  Whenever I hear the song, All We Are by Matt Nathanson, I am reminded that all we have is OURSELF and NOW.  Listen to the lyrics and be glad to be alive.

"Every day is a start of something beautiful."